A Story in Pictures: The Life of a Pie

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This is Violet eating some chocolate-peanut butter pie filling. Here is the illustrious recipe for Creme de la Cream Pie.

First: make a crust.

It’s real simple but you need to  obey the rules. (cold butter, don’t touch with hands, don’t add too much water.)

  1. 1 1/4 cups flour.
  2. 1/2 teaspoon salt
  3. 1/3 cup butter (not not not margarine or anything that doesn’t say “butter” on the label)
  4. 4-5 tablespoons cold water.
  5. sugar

Mix flour and salt, cut in butter with two butter knives till the butter pieces are no larger than the size of your pinky nail. sprinkle water over the top and mix gently to form a ball. roll out on countertop using sugar to keep from sticking. roll the crust thin enough to fill the entire pie pan. bake at 350 for 10ish minutes or until lightly browned.

Next, The Pie

  1. 3/4 cups sugar
  2. 1/4 cup cornstarch
  3. 1/4 teaspoon salt
  4. 1 1/2 cups milk
  5. 1 cup whipping cream
  6. 3 egg yolks
  7. 1 tablespoon butter
  8. 2 teaspoons vanilla
  9. 3/4 cup chocolate chips
  10. 2-4 tablespoons of creamy peanut butter.
  11. 3/4 cup coconut lightly toasted
  12. 2 bananas
  13. 1 cup whipped whipping cream. (not coolwhip)

CUSTARD: Mix  dry ingredients in saucepan.  add milk and cream and stir till smooth. cook and stir constantly over medium heat till thick and bubbly. Add a small amount to the three beaten egg yolks and mix together. Pour egg mix to saucepan and stir quickly to mix the eggs in before they cook.  cook for 1-2 more minutes. remove from heat and add vanilla and butter.

ASSEMBLATIONISH: Immediately pour half the custard into another bowl. Pour half cup of toasted coconut into bowl, and 3/4 cup of chocolate chips into the saucepan with remaining custard. stir chocolate mix till melted. add peanut butter to taste. stir coconut mix till combined. Using an electric mixer, split the whipped cream and whip it into each pie filling until creamy and smooth and creamy.

STACKING: When pie crust is completely cool, pour the coconut cream onto the bottom and spread. cut up the bananas and place over the top of the coconut cream mix until you are satisfied with banana to creamy ratio. Next, dump the chocolate peanut butter cream on top of the bananas, and spread.

chill and garnish with coconut and banana slices. BAM!

 

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Hmmm. (it sounds better with three “m’s”)

Violet may or may not have sucked toothpaste straight from the tube today. She also may or may not have spent the evening chewing on the rubber top of her baby tylenol bottle. You may or may not have noticed that I’m not prone to freaking out over baby-related stuff.

FYI: I now want Ticket To Ride for my birthday. You know who you are.

Tonight for dinner we had pepperoni pizza–homemade. FYI, if you have the time always make your own pizzas–it builds character.

Here’s my pizza dough recipe. (it works for anything in the bread family and even some cousins, depending on how creative you are.)

Listening to kids’ conversations totally cracks me up. Today Violet and I were at the park outside my house and there were a couple middle-school aged children sitting on the picnic tables talking.  They were mostly boys and they were talking on the general subject of rocket engines and NOS, and how having access to one or both of these things would totally make them amazing motocrossers.

“Yeah, if I had my Dad’s dirt bike, I would totally get some NOS for it. I’d do all these jumps and stuff.”

“Are you kidding me? I would get a jetpack and then I could jump higher than you and do a ton of tricks.”

“Can you mix NOS with a jetpack?”

boys…

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I realize this probably doesn’t count as a blog, but…

Pearl’s Amazing and Guilt-Free Cinamon Rolls

  1. make a batch of bread dough.
  2. open a jar of apple butter
  3. roll out the bread dough into a rectangle.
  4. cover in plentiful amounts of apple butter.
  5. roll up lengthwise.
  6. cut with a sharp knife or floss.
  7. it will be very messy
  8. place in greased pan.
  9. dump remaining apple butter over the top of the rolls.
  10. bake.
  11. eat plain or with some fat-free cream cheese frosting.
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This is why you’re fat

It’s actually the name of a website. We visit it often. Here it is. Before you progress any further into this post, please click on the “here” link so you can get an idea of where I’m coming from.

AJ desperately wants to get something to submit to this website. I told him that if he came up with something I would make it. My mistake. Here, is his idea.

  1. First, you take 2 slices of chocolate chip banana bread
  2. then, you smear one side with marshmallow cream and the other side with Nutella
  3. Then, you sandwich these together with banana slices in the middle.
  4. After which, you dunk the whole thing in yellow cake mix batter.
  5. Next, deep fry the sandwich, taking care to keep it together.
  6. When it cools, dip the whole thing in melted milk chocolate,
  7. and roll it in toasted almonds and coconut.
  8. serve with whip cream and a cherry on top.
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bread and the mystery thereof

This is for Amanda.

The recipe for the pizza crust was pretty basic. I’m almost pretty sure I remember it. I could go downstairs and get the recipe book, but….i’m upstairs, and i’m tired, and a little lazy, so.

Mix in a ceramic or glass bowl. Never metal. don’t ask me why.

1 package yeast

2 cups whole wheat flour

1 cup white flour

1 teaspoon salt

1/2ish cup of sugar (not too sure)

1/4 ish cup of oil. I use olive oil for a nice flavor. wheat flour has a ton of flavor, but if you decide to use all white flour then definitely use olive oil

boil water

pour 1/2 cup milk into a 1 cup measuring cup

top it off with hot water, so that the mixture equals 1 full cup and is very warm (not hot)

mix everything together with care to avoid tearing those delicate strands of gluten that are just going nuts right now.

knead for five minutesish (add more white/wheat flour if the dough is so sticky that you can’t knead it, I prefer white for kneading)

let rise in a warm place for an hour

punch down and form into pizza dough or rolls, or cinnamon rolls, or sticky buns, or a loaf, or cinnamon raisin bread, or something else delicious.

2 Things That May Or May Not Matter To You At All.

1. when using wheat flour as a substitute in a recipe, use approximately 3/4 cup instead of a whole cup. As i did with this recipe, you can vary the percentages of wheat/white flour to suit your taste. Wheat flour is typically heavier and requires a bit more care in bread making, but the flavor is worth it. I like to add a little white flour to make the bread turn out nicer without fully sacrificing the value of whole grain and flavor.

2. for grilled pizza crusts, the dough needs to be incredibly dripping in oil (olive if you have it). take a cookie sheet, put about 2 tablespoons of olive oil on the bottom and begin the process of rolling/hand-stretching it out. you can roll it only so much because the dough just slides around the cookie sheet. be gentle so you don’t tear the dough. grill on a medium hot grill with the oilier side down for a few minutes until it looks golden brown with nice grill marks on the bottom. flip it using tongs and an oven mitt, but first oil the second side so it won’t stick. as soon as it flips, put all your ingredients on.

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the beginning of an era

that would be the era of “Kids Eat Free.”
Seriously, we went to IHOP tonight and ordered a kiddie meal of chicken strips, fries, and apple slices FOR FREE. Violet didn’t eat a whole lot of it, but we were kind of counting on that, which is why we ordered something that sounded good to us. Just found another way to stick it to the man.

Oh, and another entry in the Great Things About Childhood category; backyard swimming pools. Tonight after IHOP, we stopped by target and got Violet a little inflatable pool for $5 so that she could have a pool to cool off in on our patio. You’ll probably see a post here in a few days about how that pool leaked water all over the patio, or how I got light-headed trying to blow it up, but whatev…

Today my sister and I made French Vanilla ice cream with white chocolate and vanilla wafer pieces. my ice cream maker chickened out when it started getting thick so it didn’t get churned too long, which makes it a little icy, but it still tastes amazing.
Tomorrow, my little cousin gets married. weird.

this is the part where i usually hit the “spell check” button, but i’m just not feelin it tonight, so if you see a typo, chalk it up to non-automatic spell check.

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not my problem

Violet just discovered that AJ has armpit hair and is very intent on investigating further.

here’s what I had for dinner…because you care.

1 slice wheat bread

1 slice potato bread

mayo (not…never miracle whip)

mustard

mashed avocado

tomato slices

lettuce

roast beef

bacon

salami

havarti

red onion

…compile….key word being pile.

there is no bad combination of quality meats, cheeses and vegetables on a sandwich.

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