One of the ways AJ is a great dad

The following was overheard during story time.

“No! don’t eat me” said the gingerbread man to the fox. “Instead, lets go back to my house and the old man and the old woman will make us tons and tons of gingerbread people for us to eat in a cannibalistic feast!”.

1. AJ likes to paraphrase story books.

2. He especially likes to paraphrase them when they change the original ending of the nursery story to being something PC and cheesy.

If i was making a list of awesome things, the Santa Claus Mellon would definately be on it. It was the most amazing mellon I have ever had in my entire life. I bought it this afternoon at schuh farms in stanwood. Here’s a picture I found online. Go buy one. Seriously. Now.

Ok, so I know I missed yesterday’s entry for the

Five Things You’re Probably Not Doing With Five Things You Probably Have

So I’m doing three and four today. Here goes.

Third thing: Baking soda.

  1. Sprinkle, let sit, and then vacuum off of carpets and upholstery in place of carpet freshener.
  2. Sprinkle in bath for softer skin.
  3. Make a paste with water and apply to bug bites for relief.
  4. Sprinkle (again) into the laundry basket to keep odors at bay before you wash.
  5. 1 teaspoon of baking soda for 4 cups of water to keep cut flowers fresh longer.

Fourth thing: Lemons/Lemon juice.

  1. Spray or wipe lemon juice on the inside of your shower or bath and let sit 15 minutes at least to dissolve soap scum and hard water deposits.
  2. 1/2 cup into the clothes washer to brighten without bleaching.
  3. Dab on a blemish to help it clear up quicker.
  4. Rub a cut lemon on wooden cutting boards to remove strong odors.
  5. Throw lemon peels and ice cubes down garbage disposal to freshen and clean.

A rose by any other name…

Ok, so apparently there’s this new trend in the burial biz called Green Burials. Get this–you just put a person in the ground. Just…bury them. I don’t know about you, but this novel idea has the propensity to revolutionize the whole dying business. Those people that sell life insurance for children “…to cover final expenses…” are seriously going to be out of a job.

So here’s where it gets my goat, so to speak. Why you gotta go and call it a Green Burial? Because seriously, that’s the only thing that makes me not want to do it. I mean obviously, I have no problem with protecting the environment but when the whole environmental issue is poster-boy’d by Mr. Al Gore telling me that I need to reduce my carbon footprint, it takes away all his credibility. Of course, there are plenty of other things that take away all that man’s credibility…

Anyway, where do the greenies get the right to name them Green Burials? Because truth be told…its really just a glorified Redneck Burial.

Somewhere, a hairy old man in a wife-beater is sitting on his porch sharing a beer with his mangy dog.

“Green Burial! Hell, that’s how we done buried ol’ Jimmy jist last fall. Tweren’t nuthin’ green about it neither; not when you reckon’ in that six-pack and Granddad’s shotgun we buried with ‘im. “