Sometimes all you need is a reminder that life is funny.
I called it that because this one is a mixed bag of goodies. Here we go.
First off, I forgot to mention yesterday that in the midst of my shameful bowling episode, Violet came to my rescue and peed all over me so that we had to leave. There’s a first for everything I guess. She had had a sippycup with watered-down juice on the way to the bowling alley and that stuff went through her way faster than I anticipated. I was standing there holding her and the next thing I knew, my stomach was wet and there was a curious dripping on the toe of my rented bowling shoe. No, we didn’t tell them as we returned it. Is that bad?
Secondly, my 4th brother broke his wrist, and the quack Dr. they took him to decided to put him in a cast from the middle of his bicep to his hand. A broken WRIST!On second thought, maybe this Doc knew my family and my brother’s propensity for danger. Hmmm…I take back the “quack” part. Anyway, as soon as he walked in the door today withhis new cast we were armed to greet him with markers. The first three quotes to grace his arm?
“Given is a sexy beast.”
“Blessong is cooler.” (Blessong is his younger brother)
sorry Mom and Dad, you have to admit it’s funny.
And now, in today’s relevant news: National Doughnut Day. I hope you ate one. I did. AJ made me do it….AJ and maybe me. I probably shouldn’t have because there are plenty of times that I eat doughnuts when it isn’t National Doughnut Day, but when you have some of the most amazing doughnuts available to the public five minutes from your house…
Lastly (Is that a word? Will one of you get back to me on that?), this is mostly an explanation for my husband as to why it takes me so long to shower in the women’s locker room at the sports club that we just joined. (Let me tell you, EX-PEN-SIVE!) Here’s a rundown of everything I do in the order that I do it as soon as I enter the room.
- Cover my eyes. seriously, the only people that should be modest in a changing room are the only ones that aren’t! I have no beef with naked people…they just gross me out.
- Go to my locker and get out my towel and switch out my shoes for flipflips. Did I mention I’m a major germ-a-phobe?
- Go to a bathroom stall to undress and wrap myself in said towel. Don’t touch the towel to anything.
- Carry all my things back to my locker and put them in my bag. The trick here is to not bend over too far; see above point.
- Walk over to the shower stall and shower; being careful not to touch anything.
- Next is the precarious process of drying myself without (a) touching anything, or (b) accidentally flashing some old lady who probably can’t see that far anyway.
- Rewrap myself in the towel and head back to the locker to extract my clean clothes.
- Once back in the bathroom stall, I dress. Only this time with the handicap of slightly damp and tacky skin which makes this whole process much slower. Again with the whole not touching anything.
- Almost done. See, you’re getting tired too! I told you it took me a long time to get ready.
- Finally, put the wet towel in a plastic bag and into my gym bag,
- curl eyelashes,
- Go back to locker and try to fit everything in the gym bag which seems to have mysteriously shrunk, and this is inconvenient because i have more stuff now.
See, he thinks I waste all my time on long showers or the sauna. I wish!
Violet likes to bite. Her cannibalistic tendencies are displaying themselves right now as she and AJ play on the bed next to me. She just put a towel over his face and bit his nose. At least she’s a civilized cannibal and covered his face first.
I might add that while we do not condone biting in any form–we do think it’s funny.
Today I was chewing gum, blew a bubble, and got gum stuck on my glasses. Who does that?
Curious Thought of the Day: whoever coined the phrase “…stiff upper lip…”? I understand what it means, but not how it means that.
To the person or persons responsible for stealing the stroller from the front of the Bradley’s house: how much of a loser do you have to be to steal a baby stroller? I’m picturing you walking away quickly and pushing a stolen stroller as you glance over your shoulder–you look retarded.
AJ is a superstar. If you saw my patio, you’d know what I meant.
Today we were at this GIANT (giant) community-wide garage sale, walking down the street from one garage sale to the next, when a woman in a car pulls up alongside us and rolls down the window.
“How old is your daughter?”
“I’ve got a bunch of baby clothes in my trunk–you want any?”
“No thank you, digging for baby clothes in a strangers trunk after I’ve been stopped by her car slowly following me is nearly as creepy as buying ice cream from an unmarked ice cream truck or puppies from a middle-aged man. ”
I didn’t actually say that, but that’s what I wanted to say.
in case you like surprises, don’t read the title–it gives away EVERYTHING!
So, first things first. Violet got her third tooth in last night while she slept soundly in her bed all the whole night through. I’ll take more of that, please! Last night at bathtime I checked for new teeth and there were none, but this morning over breakfast cereal, the spoon scraped against that new little top tooth. Let the biting commence.
For this next paragraph, I would like to start off by saying that I do not think Will Ferrell is funny. While I can appreciate dumb humor, I have no room in my life for infantile humor. You Elf fans out there, I do not understand you. That being said, so many people think my husband looks like him. The resemblance is veryslight in my opinion, but I can somewhat see it when I’m thinking about it. That’s what made this afternoon’s trip to Target so funny. AJ and I were in the checkout line and after rummaging in my purse for AJ’s wallet (he doesn’t like to carry it) I looked up at the cashier to find that she was staring at the two of us with a quizzical half-smile. It was that kind of look that says, “Wait, is this for real?”
“You, um…you look like Dane Cook!”
“Huh? Never heard that before.”
We finished our transaction and left her staring after us looking as if she was waiting for the hidden camera crew to jump out and AJ to say something like, “Hey, you’re right! I am Dane cook.”
we laughed at her.
(FYI: Dane Cook is a lame actor and comedian)
Ok, so I realize that you are in need of that recipe link about now. Here it is: The Kick You In The Face Enchiladas. Make them…or at least read the post.
And now, for those of you that like surprises but read the title of this blog before you read the first sentence…
This morning I was telling AJ a story about playing with Violet the day before, but stopped when I realized that my next sentence involved the following phrase, “…and then I went up on my hind legs…”
Ok, so first off, this is not a story I should be telling you. Secondly, if you get grossed out easily, please stop reading–that way you can’t complain to me when you realize that you will never swim in lake goodwin again.
All the characters will remain nameless. So apparently this happened like last summer or something. No, I can’t…I shouldn’t. Okay, super short version:
Imagine you are treading water in Lake Goodwin on a perfect summer day. Then imagine you are surrounded by turds…lots of turds. Now imagine your desperation as you try to swim away from the poop which also happens to be your own because you were out jetskiing in the middle of the lake and you got stuck and had to go bad. Imagine your two friends on the jetski are desperately trying to get it away from you because your poop got caught by the current and floated up on the foot boards of the jetski. Eventually they give up and swim away on their own. Imagine your shock and surprise at not realizing that if you pooped in the water, your poop would float up to the top…where your face is. Imagine trying to doggy-paddle with your own poop bumping against your neck. I’m done. I’m also done with ever swimming in lake goodwin.
In other news…completely unrelated, Violet and AJ gave each other the hiccups. I’m not sure how, but they were chasing each other around the room just now and then they each got hiccups.
This was a nice day. Great weather. Great birthday…incidentally, for the lake pooper himself.
“Eeny, meeny, miny, mo!”
“I’ve been looking for pens all day.”
“They don’t have those spring rolls that I like.”
“You sound like a little man!”
“…goes well with some avocado.”
“What would I do with two of ’em?”
“It’s just so darn good, I can’t wait for it to thicken up.”
“Daddy, want me to sing a song to you?”
“I tell ya, when we got back, I took a shower every day.”
“Don’t know, don’t care.”
I can’t believe it expires that quick!”
“I find a margarita in the morning really launches my day.”