this is totally worth your time

Today I was chewing gum, blew a bubble, and got gum stuck on my glasses. Who does that?

Curious Thought of the Day: whoever coined the phrase “…stiff upper lip…”? I understand what it means, but not how it means that.

To the person or persons responsible for stealing the stroller from the front of the Bradley’s house: how much of a loser do you have to be to steal a baby stroller? I’m picturing you walking away quickly and pushing a stolen  stroller as you glance over your shoulder–you look retarded.

AJ is a superstar. If you saw my patio, you’d know what I meant.

Today we were at this GIANT (giant) community-wide garage sale, walking down the street from one garage sale to the next, when a woman in a car pulls up alongside us and rolls down the window.

“How old is your daughter?”

“Ten months…”

“I’ve got a bunch of baby clothes in my trunk–you want any?”

“No thank you, digging for baby clothes in a strangers trunk after I’ve been stopped by her car slowly following me is nearly as creepy as buying ice cream from an unmarked ice cream truck or puppies from a middle-aged man. ”

I didn’t actually say that, but that’s what I wanted to say.

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ten random notes of randomness

1. If I were a fruit, I would be an apple. Fuji maybe…Braeburn, Cameo. In a completely unrelated note, the smell of an especially juicy apple just after you’ve taken a bite reminds me of horse breath. Not in a bad way though.

2. Something You Should Never Do: don’t own a chimp, or any other potentially dangerous exotic animal. How is this not a no-brainer for more people?

3. I am always running late, so sometimes I do my makeup in the car (not while driving). I’ve always thought that it would be horrible to get in an accident while I was curling my eyelashes because I would probably pull my eyelids off.

4. Left to their own devices, my feet might be hairier than my husbands. Don’t get grossed out yet–his feet are basically bald…and mine aren’t.

5. I read about a product the other day; it was an alarm clock that had a vibrating attachment you could put under your bed to shake you awake. It was my idea first. Once when I was 9, I was trying to get up early to make my mom a  Mother’s Day breakfast. Dilemma: must use an alarm to get up that early, but musn’t wake anyone. Solution: take the wind-up bell alarm clock and place it against my left ear. Wrap clock to head with a hand towel. I didn’t anticipate waking with a near heart-attack while trying to rip the towel off my head to stop the loud ringing in my ears. Anyway, that vibrating alarm could have saved me some grief.

6. Me+Laser Hair Removal=someday.

7. I can hear people gulp when they swallow. It’s gross.

8. When I’m out running, I make a point to never stop running in sight of the person who may have seen me start running. That way, no one knows how much of a wimp I am.

9. How is it the 21st century, and people are still having babies much the same way they always have?

10. I always told myself I would never let my children eat in the car. Now I jump at the chance to placate Violet by putting cheerios on her lap when she’s in the carseat.

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Random

Will someone please tell me what the big deal is with Bugles? (the chip things you can put on the ends of your fingers). I bought some today, and I am seriously not impressed.

Also, rolling chocolate chip cookies in coconut before baking is amazing.

Last but not least:  When we were at that Fiction Family concert last night, one of the songs was called something like “Please Don’t Call This Love”. At this announcement, someone from the audience shouted out “That’s what she said!” Thank you, Michael Scott.

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Personal Confession

I finished my first Sudoku puzzle today. Not to be confused with “Soduko” or “Sukodu” or “Dukosu” for those of you who can never remember how to pronounce it.  Yes, I may have had to look at the answer key…a few times. I had always thought it involved adding numbers or subtracting or some combination of all the problem solvers in basic math, and the answers would never match up for me, which was frustrating. Now that I know how “easy” it is, my self-esteem has improved dramatically. Anyway, this is boring. Don’t blame me; I just spent a car trip home with a baby screaming hysterically…still a little shell-shocked.

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i’m going on record

i watch The Bachelor. i said it. Yes, i watch that depraved, animalistic, stone-age version of romance. So shoot me.  I think its fascinating.

There are so many elements of the show that I find to be either proof that it’s rigged, or sometimes I even wonder if they are not all paid actors. Watching the journey of the women, as they immediately fall for the Bachelor and one by one get their hearts broken because the man of their dreams is publicly cheating on them and then dumping them, is an irresistible study in human behavior.  You could write entire books on the psychological environment on that show. Anyway, enough about my dirty secret.

Ok. so you remember that “no backspacing” idea i had at the beginning? turns out–thats not a great idea. lately i’ve noticed that i will start typing something (i type mostly by touch) and realize that my fingers are writing different words than i’m thinking–like completely different! If i didn’t use the “Back Space” button, that last sentence would have looked something like this. would have thrusday definately lotion. see? not good. What is wrong with me?

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Overheard in the bathroom at The Old Spaghetti Factory

“Because it isn’t nice to walk around in restaurants with your pants down–that’s why.”

I heard this through the stalls while a mom was talking to her small daughter who evidently had no interest in pulling her pants back up after going to the bathroom.

“Because it isn’t nice.”

The alternate title to this post could also have been “Phrases You Never Thought You’d Say.”

Sounds like something my mom would have said…probably something I’ll find myself saying someday.

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yogurt and cheerios

thats what i had for breakfast this morning. i ate the yogurt out of the yogurt cup with a too-big spoon and sprinkled each spoonful with cheerios, except the cheerios kept rolling off the table like little wheels before i could catch them. did you ever notice how well equipped cheerios are for rolling? somebody should organize a cheerio-rolling contest.

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