Funny Story

Ok, so here’s the deal.

Several times a week, we walk by a house with a beautiful golden retriever who always comes to the fence to see us as we walk by. If I was the thieving type, I’d steal this dog. Today when we walked by, he wasn’t there and when a couple blocks later, we saw him running loose we knew just where to take him. AJ called the number on his collar and he dragged us (he was super strong and not walk-trained) back down the street toward his house while Violet cried because she was being ignored by the dog and Mom. It wasn’t until we arrived at his house a couple blocks away and knocked at the door that the phone number on his collar called and informed us they were on their way to meet us and that we were at the wrong house.  His owner arrived to get him, and we began to retrace our steps as we resumed our walk home. It wasn’t until we saw the car pull into the drive way that we figured it out. We had rescued the run-away dog when he had been sniffing around the yard of the house across the street from his. Needless to say we ducked down a side street to avoid talking to them as they got out of their car.

In other news, Violet started clapping today! Yay! It’s so freaking cute. Other not so cute things: opening and closing the CD-ROM drive on the computer any chance she gets, hitting the computer power button enough times so that it shuts off right when I’m in the middle of something, and last but not least…bending the radio antenna until it broke off. Michael Medved, I shall miss you.

haha! wait…

When I was a little girl I remember a friend of my mom’s telling her that it would make her laugh to spank her children because the sight of madly flailing legs over her knee struck her as being funny. She didn’t spank often because of this. Now I understand.

This morning while we were getting ready for church, Violet was getting in to the bathroom cupboards (a favorite pastime). AJ put everything back,  closed the cupboard door, and the following exchange ensued.

“No, no Violet! come to Daddy.”

“No!”

And with that, she opened the cupboard again in the petulant indignance only a baby can muster. We were so caught off guard that punishing her was the furthest thing from our minds.

“Oh my gosh!!!!! Did she just say that?!”

“That was so freaking adorable!!!”

mental pictures

Here’s a couple snapshots into my day.

5:06 pm: setting Violet down on the floor with an entire muffin to devour just to distract her long enough to make potato salad. Turns out, I can’t make salad in 2 minutes.

5:09 pm: chopping celery for potato salad while Violet fully crawls into the back of the tupperware cupboard. This is only made possible by first throwing tupperware and dishtowels all over the kitchen.

5:12 pm: Singing made-up songs to Violet about what a nice, patient baby she is. Someday my propaganda will pay off.

5:17 pm: mixing the sour cream and mayo into my potato salad while holding Violet in the other hand.

5:18 pm: saying “No! No! No!” and blowing in Violet’s face to stop her from fully digging her hand into the jar of mayo as I attempt to spoon some onto the salad. All I want for Christmas is another arm.

Super Heros: they’re not just for comic books anymore.

Here’s  how good  we are. Today, AJ changed Violet’s diaper while I was nursing her, in the car. That’s right, treasure’s in heaven baby.

On a completely unrelated subject, I have a major problem with the recent influx of bikini baristas. While out and about, we drove by two stands today. Both had been refigured (no pun intended) to include full length windows, and the skimpy little baristas who were probably much younger than you and I, left me finding that the only thing I could appreciate was that they at least weren’t wearing pasties. Seriously people? What is wrong with this culture when (I feel like) no one is flipping out about this like I am?

From a economic standpoint, they should at least be in the same tax bracket as the rest of the sex industry, because you’d be hard pressed to show me how they aren’t a part of it. They also shouldn’t be allowed to serve minors, or people with minors in their car. It is completely ludicris to think that it’s ok for someone to drive up to a bikini, or worse yet, a pasty stand with children in the back.

Don’t get me wrong; I have no problem (well, no big problems) with bikinis. I find it mostly normal and acceptable to go to the beach on a summer day and find girls in bikinis. The problem comes when the girls in the bikini’s are then in a full-window coffee stand and are wearing those bikinis for the benefit of their creeper customers to objectify them for perverted sexual pleasure.

And another thing, aren’t coffee stands good places to get robbed? How are bikini’s supposed to help this problem?

From a personal and social standpoint, two things really piss me off here. One: who ever said it was a good idea to put a bikini stand in Smokey Point? Don’t they know this isn’t the red light district? They may be selling coffee instead of themselves, but we all know the real specials aren’t on the menu. Two: someone really dropped the ball here, in regards to these girls. Where did they learn that it was okay to serve coffee to leering customers in return for better tips? C’mon! They can’t be that good! I get the feeling from “kids these days” that they can dress any way they want because it’s their body/the human form is beautiful and should be enjoyed/there are no consequences for silly stuff like this. You’d be surprised how much silly trouble you can get into with that attitude. I heard a quote the other day that kind of wraps up my point. Modest girls are the hottest girls. Sex and sensuality are not meant to be the hors d’oeuvres served to the drop-in visitors, but maybe they’re more meant to be like the glass of red wine enjoyed by the keeper of the house at the end of the day.

tulips and two-lips

Today we went to the tulip fields. If you’re from around here, you know what I mean, and if you’re not…then you’re probably an internet stalker who has no business knowing in the first place. I’ve been a couple of times before and to a certain extent–if you’ve seen one tulip, you’ve seen ’em all. Nevertheless, the weather was beautiful, the baby was cute, and the tulips were perfectly open.

 

Side note: on our way home, there was a little sign off the side of the road that said “PUBLIC HUNTING”. Which brings me to my question; public hunting, or public hunting? I think this sounds like a redneck tourist trap; Tourists show up and the locals hunt them.

Did you ever know you were my hero…

Ok, so first off, this is not a story I should be telling you. Secondly, if you get grossed out easily, please stop reading–that way you can’t complain to me when you realize that you will never swim in lake goodwin again.

All the characters will remain nameless. So apparently this happened like last summer or something. No, I can’t…I shouldn’t. Okay, super short version:

Imagine you are treading water in Lake Goodwin on a perfect summer day. Then imagine you are surrounded by turds…lots of turds. Now imagine your desperation as you try to swim away from the poop which also happens to be your own because you were out jetskiing in the middle of the lake and you got stuck and had to go bad. Imagine your two friends on the jetski are desperately trying to get it away from you because your poop got caught by the current and floated up on the foot boards of the jetski. Eventually they give up and swim away on their own. Imagine your shock and surprise at not realizing that if you pooped in the water, your poop would float up to the top…where your face is. Imagine trying to doggy-paddle with your own poop bumping against your neck. I’m done. I’m also done with ever swimming in lake goodwin.

In other news…completely unrelated, Violet and AJ gave each other the hiccups. I’m not sure how, but they were chasing each other around the room just now and then they each got hiccups.

This was a nice day. Great weather. Great birthday…incidentally, for the lake pooper himself.

Quote of the Day

“Stomach, you can kiss my butt!”

Someone said this in response to stuffing himself on the amazing dinner we had with our small group tonight (breakfast for dinner–biscuits and gravy).

Anyway, here’s a shout out to moms who have more than one child. Violet and I babysat two of my sister-in-law’s four boys today. hmm…and here I thought pain of childbirth was reason enough to never have any more kids. Violet: prepare to get spoiled for the rest of your life.

Of course I jest. We are going to adopt anyway, but seriously–what do you do with the first kid when you bring the second one home? No one comes and takes it…its not like you get to trade the old one in. once again…just kidding, Mom.

Texas to Secede

So apparently the governor of Texas was quoted as saying that Texas could(not necessarily would) secede from the union, during a speech at a tea party rally yesterday.

Dear Texas,

Please don’t secede. If ya’ll left us, we’d be screwed.

Much obliged, Pearl.

In other news, I went wine tasting today. For my brother’s birthday, we went out with him, his girlfriend and my parents to two different wineries in the area. Between the six of us, we bought seven bottles of wine. They were sogood! I really like sweeter wines and dessert wines, although sometimes drier wine is nice with some spicy Italian food. My personal favorite (which I didn’t buy because it was expensive) was this white dessert ice wine, where the grapes are left on the vine until the outside temperature drops to 15 degrees. Only at this point are the grapes harvested and pressed–still frozen. The two wineries we went to were the Carpenter Creek winery and the Pasek Cellars winery. Pasek Cellars is known for their fruit wines, of which they have an amazing selection, including everything from Pineapple to a Late Harvest Voignier–which is made of grapes that have been left on the vine as long as possible to get that vine-ripened sweetness (I bought a bottle of this). Carpenter Creek is more of a wine-drinkers winery with a mostly dry selection, but an amazingly fresh and crisp quality to the wine–not unlike drinking from a mountain spring. So, your task should you choose to accept it: Go on a wine-tasting tour.

Afterwards, we all went a local tavern and had some pan-fried oysters. Yum!

Last but not least: Easter candy is now 75% off. Yay!

“If music be the food of love, play on.” –Shakespeare

I got this in one of those wall sticker things to go on my kitchen wall. I was going to use stencils and pick my own phrase, but…I got scared. I do really like this quote though.

Wow, i totally have nothing to talk about.

Violet is doing belly flops in the bathtub right now. AJ is supervising her and narrating to me while I sit here drumming my fingers on the keyboard. On my right, (your right) my bed sits unmade. AJ took the sheets off to wash them and they never got replaced. I hate making beds…always have. I blame it on having to share a bed with my sister for many years growing up. In fact, I never even had my own room till I was 19 or so. Not that I’m complaining; sharing a bedroom with a sibling is a great way to teach so many important life lessons.

Lesson #1: When on the bottom bunk, never sleep up against the wall, because that will inevitably be the time your sister gets sick and pukes…down the wall.

To Do List

not in this order…

go downstairs and get fruit salad stuff together

give the baby a bath

start laundry

set out clothes for tomorrow

read That Hideous Strengthwith AJ

stock diaper bag

cheerios in a baggy

take the bag of cotton balls away from the baby

digest mexican dinner

play with Violet to wear her out

Ha! I just looked and Violet has panty lines. I’m not even sure how that’s possible.

She now has two teeth, by the way…

Anyway, this random post goes out to the people using the black markers to write on the cardboard in the hallway while the wind was funnelling the fumes directly onto the stage where I was standing. Thanks guys.

day 4 of amazingness

so, the best part about great weather? AJ goes snowboarding and comes home with the worlds best goggle burn. meaning that all the exposed skin on his face is bright red. I’ve been making fun of him all evening to break him in gently for the guffaw that is sure to meet him when he walks in the door at work tomorrow.

Also: Violet almost has teeth. This time it’s for real. I can just see them under the gums–all white and tiny. The two bottom front ones for the benefit of the Grandmas.

Today we had a playdate with Kristin and Emery while AJ and Gerad were out snowboarding. Last time Violet and Emery were together, he was pushing her around and all over her, but this time was different. Partly due to her practicing babywrestlemaniawith her friend Isla, but also due to the fact that Emery had just woken from a nap and the poor unsuspecting kid was eating a cereal bar. Violet has a “no holds barred” fighting policy when it comes to getting food from someone. In general, she was much more impressed by him than he was of her.

I’ve just looked outside and the clouds are starting to roll in. Too bad. It was nice while it lasted; Violet and I even got to be barefoot in the park today. Of course, when I was younger I was barefoot all the time–which explains the three-inch scar on my foot I guess. Not that it stopped me; I remember having races with my brothers to see who could run the farthest from the house in the wintertime, which now strikes me as a sick contest, but we were tough kids–or at least that’s what we were going for.

un-Fay in the un-Say!

day 3 of perfect weather. perfect.

It’s finally dry enough, so I took Violet out to the park outside our house and let her play in the grass for the first time in her life. when sitting, she tore up as much grass as she could reach, and when crawling, she crawled on her hands and feet to keep her knees from getting wet.

After AJ got home we went out again to another park for a picnic dinner. Our town has a ton of parks. Violet gave AJ a reprise of her unique crawling style, and ate some dried leaves/bugs/dirt. We played frisbee afterwards while she crawled around. Which reminds me; the whole hand-eye-coordination thing is not so much one of my special skills. This fact was hammered home when I was an awkward thirteen-year old on a softball team but back then I figured I’d grow out of it someday. Not so much. I still frequently miss high 5’s on the first shot.

In other news, we finally got That Hideous Strength  from the library. can’t wait.

By the way, will someone please tell me why Barack Obama gets to keep his Blackberry? I guess being the most powerful man in the world comes with some “because I said so” perks.

yay for me

Today was another beautiful day. as in gorgeous. After church and lunch, we went to the park and took turns riding down the slide with Violet.

By the way, remember that whole announcing-a-fake-pregnancy-on-April-1st thing? I still have people asking me. very impressed with that last-minute idea. I’ve never actually done much for April Fools day–except for a few times–they’ve mostly all been in the pop-rocks-under-the-saran-wrapped-toilet-seat category. Just enough to remind the ones I love to always check the dish sprayer before turning on the sink. Last year, AJ and I took pictures of his little sister’s “pride and joy” suv and posted it for sale on craigslist…something about her moving to another country and needing the money quick–cheap sale. I know for a fact that it was quite a hit–not because she told us, for she was very mad–but because the ad got flagged and shortly afterwards someone posted an ad for free labor to anyone needing movers with our phone numbers attached. Of course it sounded preposterous, but that didn’t stop one old man very determined to take advantage of free help to move all his household belongings. Ha! really?  We thought how awesome it would be to help him move just to spite the ad, but…we aren’t actually that nice. sorry mom. besides he sounded a little crazy.

AJ to Violet just now: “Say it, don’t spray it!”

Tudae

Today Violet and I were out walking/garage-saleing and we saw a front yard with Easter eggs hidden all over. It was the perfect afternoon for a walk because the weather was amazing…except that a dog barked at her and made her cry, and I had to carry her most of the way home AND push the stroller. She’s heavy.

Here’s a shout out to Clayre, who wed her true love today. She’s been in love with this man for like 12 years. She’s the “friend in Texas“.

AJ worked a half-day today and Violet and I missed him terribly…I feel like I lost half my weekend 😦

Current favorite musician: Sara Watkins. Someone needs to buy me this CD. Favorite song? Long Hot Summer Day

Here’s to my day

Here’s to my sibling that wrote “Hi” on my windshield with pieces of tortilla.

Here’s to the man out walking with a walkman and headphones.

Here’s to my daughter who stole her friend’s teething cookie and put the whole thing in her mouth till it dissolved.

Here’s to the little boy at the grocery store that made my daughter laugh.

Here’s to my husband who smacked his head on a doorjam today at work.

Here’s to my sister-in-law who named her son today; Ethan Pace.

Here’s to the cat my daughter loves.

Here’s to me holding Violet while I vacuumed to keep her from being scared of the vacuum cleaner.

Here’s to my brother’s girlfriend for forgetting her phone…again.

Here’s to friends at small group.

Here’s to family at small group.

Here’s to my life.

3 Things

1. My sister-in-law is labor right now. So far Violet only has boy cousins, so we are hoping for a girl. C’mon Megan, think pink!

2. I–and by association, Violet–had the greatest sugar/caffeine high ever today. I got a white chocolate mocha at starbucks, and I felt so amazing afterwards that I seriously wonder what drugs they slipped me. I drank it at 5:30, and by the time AJ got home at six, both Violet and I were literally bouncing off the walls in euphoric caffeinated delight. Since we felt so incredible, we took an amazing walk  and played at the totally awesome park next to our house. AJ was bemused.

3. Today Violet and I went to Target with my sister Angel. Naturally, Angel and I went into the toy section to play with baby dolls and see what Violet thought of them. Prepare to be creeped out; baby dolls aren’t what they used to be. Check this out. (Seriously, just click on the link so you’ll know what I’m talking about). If toy manufacturers ever want a good gauge on whether or not they’ve gone too far, they should ask a real baby. Violet would have nothing to do with them. (There’s tons of different types, and we played with them all). She kept a pretty sharp eye on them, but would not touch them or even crack a smile–just very seriously surveyed the shelves of creepy cooing babies.  Makes me want to get some; one goes in the bathroom, another in front of the stairs, still another in the pantry. They could be marketed as “Mommy’s Creepy Little Helper.”

random

Violet has a booster seat/highchair now, so she sits at the table with us during dinner. I made her some spinach/banana/rice cereal stuff.  Tonight we all held hands and prayed before the meal; AJ’s big hands, Violet’s tiny chubby hands, and my medium-sized hands. The first of many.

I bought paint today. So excited. The guest bathroom is going to be blueishy, Violets room is going to be winnie-the-poo-y, the hallways are going to be creamy goldish, and the master bath is going to be a lighter green version of our bedroom walls. Now I am looking for some glass tile pieces to glue to the mirrors for a faux frame.

Violet stayed in the nursery the whole time we were at MOPS today (Yay). Thats because I told them not to try changing her diaper and also there were new toys. When I came to get her, several of the babies were crying but she was just sitting there…playing with her new toy and watching them.

side note: is it wrong that it totally makes my day to see people I know driving crappy cars too?

FYI: be on the lookout–we are trying to think up an outrageous story to email Dave Ramsey so he’ll read it on the air. any ideas? (am 630, 4-7pm)

The first of the Mohawkians

So yeah….Violet is bald on the sides of her head, but the hair strip down the center of her head is alive and well. My sweet little daughter has a mohawk. I had tons of hair when I was a baby, but AJ was bald, so I was really hoping that God would give Violet my hair genes and not his–except that I wanted her to have his curly hair. Now she has both. Bill Cosby said it best when he said, “God has a sense of humor.”

Now accepting application for the position of rich, dying, eccentric great–aunt with no other heirs. is that wrong?

5 Great Things About Today

1. AJ and Violet took a nap together this afternoon, and I got some cute pictures.

2. AJ found a booster seat highchair on craigslist for Violet that I’m going to go get tomorrow. $5!

3. I finally “decided” what colors to paint the upstairs. Soft gold and creamy yellow–same color, two different shades.

4. We had friends over for dinner and Violet had a little friend to play with all evening. Yay for card games!

5. AJ cleaned the bathroom (I hate cleaning the bathroom).

Quote of the Day

“Somewhere between my brain and my hand, it got all goofed up.” –anonymous

AJ and I went to a little Mexican bakery in town today. Now, I’m all about eating authentic foods, but Mexican bakeries are a joke! Its like they take one type of bland cookie/breadish dough and then just shape it into different shapes and fill it with different things and cover it in sugar–they all taste the same! Plus, the bakery was pretty nasty inside.

So I’m curious; quite a few of you read my blog, so answer me this:

Have you ever had anything good? Do they make good things? Don’t get me wrong: I’m a taco-truck devotee with the best of them, but the whole bakery idea just isn’t working for me.

Words cannot express…

how much I anticipate the arrival of the greatest film of the year, perhaps the decade…nay, the century. Here It Is. This is a must-see–for everyone.

Anyway. You should seriously watch that preview, it’s…interesting.

It’s official–AJ is sickish too now, so today I made a huge pot of chicken soup. I always make it from scratch (like a whole chicken, and no pun intended). I put olives, mayo, radishes, and brussel sprouts in a pot and just cook that sucker up! Actually no, that would be disgusting. What I actually put in my chicken soup is a little more orthodox; carrots, onion, celery, garlic, cilantro, my secret seasoning mix, and of course, chicken.

Step 1: boil whole chicken in pot with salted water. (this time i added chipotle seasoning)

Step 2: debone chicken. Place all meat in fridge and throw away skin, bones and everything else. This of course assumes, that I threw out the nasty stuff inside in the first place like the kidneys and heart.

Step 3: Here’s hoping you haven’t thrown out the broth from step 2. Chop up all vegetables. Add them in the order of how long they need to cook: carrots, onions, potatoes, celery, garlic, cilantro. Sometimes I also add other things like spinach, parsley, uncooked winter squash, sweet potatoes or yams, summer squash, whatever. I also prefer to use a garlic press instead of dicing it up.

Step 4: Add secret seasoning mix. (Salt, black pepper, cayenne pepper powder, dried red pepper seeds,dried herbs (italian seasoning, rosemary, basil) and anything else that looks interesting…chipotle seasoning, Mrs Dash, etc) Don’t make it so spicy that you can’t eat it, but enough so that your nose runs. That’s what napkins are for.

Step 4.5: Alternately, you may also add rice or pasta at this point–be careful, it gets really thick really fast.

Step 5: Add chicken to pot when vegetables are tender, not soft. Turn off heat.

I always cook everything at a boil. I know most recipes say words like “simmer” but if you stay in the kitchen and watch the pot, you dont have to worry about it boiling over. Honestly, by the time I finished putting the last vegetables in, it was almost ready. This recipe can make anywhere from 4-8 quarts of soup. This depends on several factors: the size of the chicken, how much vegetables you use, and how much water you use. This meal gets “tupperwared” and frozen for lunches, and quick dinners.

Cheese of the Month

AJ and I Love(love) cheese. This store has a great cheese section with all sorts of cheeses and we’ve been saying for years that someday we should sample every kind in their section. Problem? Solution: Cheese of the Month!

We alternate picking out a new cheese each month. AJ has been working through some Kerrygold cheeses (amazing). Today I picked out some Beechers No Woman Jamaican Jerk seasoned cheese. In texture it resembled white cheddar, but the flavor was like mild cheese and roast beef. Imagine that Sunday roast, fresh out of the oven, surrounded by carrots, potatoes, onions and celery. That’s what this cheese tastes like.

3 Stars. It would be five, but i’m not sure i will even buy it again because i prefer to taste my roast beef straight out of the oven. Its good, but very different.