things i tell myself.

So hello world,

I haven’t been here a while. that doesn’t mean i haven’t been anywhere. I certainly didn’t cease to exist the moment i stopped writing every day. I stopped for several reasons. The first being that we bought a house through the worst lender in the world *cough bankofamerica cough cough*, which was a headache all of it’s own, and then we proceeded to transform it from this:

into something that can best be described if you picture Costo and Pintrest having a baby, that baby being a fairy, and me catching that fairy and shaking it’s dust all over my house. Of course, we had a lot of help–not just Costco and Pintrest, but also our awesome contractor and my amazing dad (Happy Father’s Day, Dad!) and plenty of visits to home depot and building salvage yards.

I just realized all of that has been one paragraph. Sorry. So yeah, we bought a house, we changed just about everything you can possibly change short of building a new house, and now we’re almost done. Someday i’ll blog more about it. I need to stop now though because this house has taken over my life like a giant disgusting termite in one of those nasty Terminix commercials.

The other reason is that I got bored of reading the stuff i was writing. That’s a pretty legitimate reason as far as i am concerned. I felt like I didn’t just fall into a rut with my writing; i felt like I became the very rut I was trying to stay out of. So i stopped. I remembered how much I liked to write about thinks and thoughts and prayers and poems, but it felt strange to put a dangerously emoting piece of prose next to a blog post about carving cannibalistic pumpkins. So then I did neither and missed both. That was just depressing.

Here’s the truth about me. There’s no way I could be a character on a sitcom. I’m just way too complicated. I’m nerdy, quiet, silly, sad, passionate, opinionated, lazy, freakin’ hilarious, sweet, jaded, and a million other facets. Just like anyone else, I am a nautilus of a person. There’s always another side of me around the bend. That sounded really Jekyll and Hyde. You know what I mean though, right? Of course you do.

Here’s your nautilus note for the day. I wrote this on my other other blog back in December of 2006.

why the world is round

i discovered you yesterday
lying under that tree. you were happy and you were foolish with that lovely apple in your hand.
i saw the bite you took out of that fresh perfect fruit
i also saw that you shared it with your lover, and now your sorrow shall be doubled.
your redemption comes in death and pain and sacrifice now.
gone are the idyllic days of your never-ending youth, and gone is your naked purity.

you saw me and you cried as you hid in the shade of your tree…i cried too, and my tears were a mist in the garden.
i gave you a gift and you still asked for more, but not from me.
yesterday’s yesterday found us side by side and hand in hand as we walked together at then end of each day…you would bring the sweetest smile to my face, and you in turn, would find yourself alive more than life itself.

the door here will be ever blocked by my anger and righteousness, because you have fallen, and you can’t hide that from me. i have seen it and now i cannot allow you to continue in this harmony. cover yourself so that no one can see your nakedness as you leave this place.

now you know the power and mystery of your free will. now you understand what i meant when i told you to use it wisely. now you have the chance to choose me.

choose me, and someday i will bring you back to my garden.

thanks for reading–this goes out especially to the few, the proud, the subscribers to my blog who will read this post first. Get ready for this blog to get a lot more weird. In a good way.