Nerd Report

Well, in my quest to avoid becoming a nerd I have come to a crossroad. I need braces. I know this, but since I wear glasses, this also means that I now need contacts. Braces and glasses at the same time would be just too much for my self-esteem. I know, I know…I just can’t do it.

That being said, today I got fitted for contacts. Here’s the deal. Contacts are seriously creepy. Like something off of a futuristic alien movie creepy. Hey, I have a great idea, lets take something that looks like a clear piece of skin and stick it onto your EYEBALL!!! Oh, and by the way, let’s do this while your eyes are dilated so that you can’t actually see the contact that are virtually invisible anyway until your arm is outstretched like an old person reading a restaurant menu while their glasses rest secretly on their head. Unfortunately the creepiness doesn’t end there. Taking them out is like watching some spy caper where someone has a prosthetic face on that they peel off in a flourish. There’s nothing like creeping yourself out. Nothing quite like reaching into your eye and pinching your EYEBALL until a flap of skin pops off.

At least I won’t be a nerd.


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