If two people happen upon an individual flying his expensive remote control plane for hours in the park on a Monday,
*Disclaimer: I recognize that there are exceptions to every rule.
How do you tell if someone is a blond? Give them a box of blond hair dye and see if they dye their own hair.
True story–very effective test.
Observation 1: I find it very disconcerting when I see a junior high kid driving a car. And then I think to myself, wait a minute—that little twerp is probably 16! Anyone else with me on this?
Observation 2: There’s a church in our town that advertises free meals one day a week. Where do they advertise? On the lawn of a Mexican restaurant. If that isn’t false advertising, I don’t know what is.
Me: Say something, and i’ll write it down.
Violet: No, i’ll write it down. ummmm Daddy, lookit that! This is a letter for Dad. Daddy can say, “I don’t want letters.” Daddy don’t like letters on he hands, he have a kitty in he hand. Daddy, can i have an elephant? I have an elephant in my house. He will say yes. He will say Yeeeessss. I want a little elephant and a big elephant, and want a name about… this elephant, no i want to name umm…Coco. Yeah. No, i want kids in our house. I have to hold the kids. I am big to hold kids. (…singing…) my favorite food is chocolate. Daddy, can we get an elephant, Dad? I writing a letter for Dad. This a letter. I hear Daddy! I hear him! ummm…Mama, what this? um, a piece of paper. No its just food. I want to put it in the bowl. Mamma, i have a bunch of owies on me. It’s right here and over there. Daddy want Jesus in our house. I want to hold Jesus. I want to hold Jesus in my hands. Mama, where is Jesus. He’s over to He daddy and Mary. He went to He mom. Jesus is tired. He need to take a nap. Mama, what’s funny?
Miles to the “Biggest Garage Sale In The World”: 18
Granola bars eaten: 1
Steps taken from the car to the sale and back: 7000
People carried: 1 and sometimes 2
Cash in my pocket: $1
Charge to get into the garage sale: $2
I don’t care if it’s being held in the fairgrounds. No one should have to pay to go to a garage sale. It’s probably actually illegal.
So, I just have to know. I realize this is a completely inappropriate question–and totally gross–but I feel like getting the answers to questions like this will give me a better idea of the kind of people my readers are. Let’s be real here people. Let’s be honest.
FYI: port a potties and outhouses do not count.
If I get 30 voters, I’ll blog about my answer to this poll…it involved high heels.