I smell like ham

Tonight we brought a ham to our church small-group for dinner. As I was getting into the car to leave, I tipped the pot I was carrying the ham in too far and it dumped all down the front of meĀ  and now I am covered in sticky ham juice. The whole ride home, the long sticky walk up the stairs. I need to go take a shower.

The other hilarious thing that happened to me today was eating a sample of pasta with alfredo sauce at costco and dropping it down the front of my shirt where it proceeded to drip down my entire belly. The real kicker was trying to discreetly flap my shirt so that the piece stuck to my stomach would fall out. It was a real knee slapper. Trust me.

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two things

1. I guess I shouldn’t have been so confused when the scanner kept giving me an error message while I was using the self-checkout at the grocery store. Please remove the item from the scanner, please remove the item from the… Oh, right–my belly; I should probably back up. em-barrassing.

2. Violet really likes to wear deodorant. I have a stick of Tom’s of Maine natural deodorant that I tap on her armpits when she begs long enough. She’s very ticklish though, so while she loves wearing deodorant–it’s a very giggly ordeal.

3. You just can’t beat chili made from scratch.

Okay, so three things.

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My Two Cents

Okay. First, I applaud you for riding a bike. I also applaud you for going on an actual bike ride with other riders and having the guts to wear spandex decades after it was in style.

Here is what I do not applaud: you being stupid, you thinking you are in a car and so have the same rights to the road, you not getting way over onto the shoulder when two cars are passing you, and you trying to go faster up the hill when we both know I can beat you and you should just pull over and let me pass.

Once again, I would like to reiterate that I think bike riding is awesome and you are awesome if you do it, but don’t be stupid and make people in three-thousand pound vehicles put you at risk because you won’t get over on the shoulder. Besides, hitting a bike rider would be messy.

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mused

You know what I’ve always wanted? a bumper sticker that says “I’d rather drive a Ford than push a Chevy”. Conveniently, I now drive a Ford instead of a Chevy. I’m not sure if anyone makes such a bumper sticker, but I think my chances of finding one are pretty good considering how many “I’d rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford” stickers I’ve seen. See, here’s my deal: I live in a culture with skewed values and irrelevant status symbols, and every day I have to remind myself of that. Truth be told, I’d rather drive than walk and it takes reminding sometimes when I compare my version of America’s most popular status symbol to the ones that other people drive.

Besides, when I have a cat this lazy–what more could I ask for?

If you listen closely, you can hear the snoring.

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Twins?

No, I’m not having twins. If I am, some doctor is losing his license if I have anything to say about that. However, once a week (or so) Violet has a playdate with a friend named Isla. They are ten days apart, so I get to experience a small picture of what it would be like to have twins. Except that when they aren’t having a ton of fun, they’re fighting like a couple of cats. No, I guess that sounds about right.

Here’s some pictures of the two of them playing the bucking bronco game with AJ.

This is how the babies ride–Walk, Walk, Walk…

This is how the ladies ride–Trot, Trot, Trot…

This is how the gentlemen ride–Gallop-a-Gallop-a-Gallop…

AND THIS…

IS HOW…

THE BUCKING BRONCOS RIDE!!!!!!!!!!


Yes, I see the discrepancy here–bucking broncos don’t ride but are ridden–I didn’t make the song up: it’s as old as the hills and twice as dusty.

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