Here’s something I feel strongly about. The boundaries in a thriving, Godly marriage must be opposite of those seen in popular culture. I am speaking of two boundaries in particular; the boundary between you and your spouse, and the boundary around the two of you in reference to purity, sexuality, and intimacy.
In pop culture, we are presented with this idea where monogamy is outdated at best and as a result, people in intimate relationships often have a distorted idea of what kind of boundaries they need. This results in a wall around you and your heart because intimacy becomes scary without the protection of complete monogamy. The second boundary, which should be very strong is around you and your spouse. I won’t say “partner” here, because that would remove the aspect of complete and whole-hearted monogamy. (Of course, when I refer to monogamy, I am referring to a relationship where both people are committed to each other and do not engage any outside forces for emotional or sexual intimacy on any level.)
In a healthy marriage, you are responsible to protect and foster intimacy–for the both of you. Don’t assume your husband or wife is solely responsible to keep themselves pure and avoid building a wall around their heart. This is a tag-team mission that will keep both of you running all out all the time to give the other person a hundred percent.
This is my conviction: marital intimacy is a gift from God, and you have only scratched the surface. Tear down those walls between you–no matter how small–the same way you built them–brick by brick. Build high and deep the wall around your marriage. Seek out the unique challenges to building this wall that your spouse most certainly faces, and walk beside them–not in condemnation of their humanity, but in solidarity, friendship, and as their own personal armor bearer.
“Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
–C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory