don’t display Christmas decorations after New Years. Here’s the deal, if you’re reading this and you are a redneck, then obviously this doesn’t apply to you because let’s face it–nothing detracts from your redneck status quite as fast as taking down all your decorations on New Years. So for all you redneck readers, sit back in your gold “velvet” lazy boy, grab that pinch of chew, and crack open another Pabst Blue Ribbon, because if you’ve still got Christmas in your heart–might as well have it on your house.
As for the rest of you (meaning everyone from the california-rejects to the granola-eating yuppies and everyone in between), stop being lazy. We all know you want to take them down, and putting it off is just prolonging the pain. The longer you wait, the better a cold PBR is going to sound, and before you know it you’ll be standing on your front porch, hiking up your pants with one hand and scratching your huntin’ dog behind the ear with the other as you survey the drooping and wet christmas lights still on your eves while yelling, “Hey Ma, these here christmas lights don’t look so dadgum bad after all!”