Comet–it tastes like Listerine.

I guess my grandpa used to brush his teeth with Comet to whiten them. There’s an old song that my mom used to sing us from back when people thought this was an OK way of having whiter teeth that goes like this.

Comet–it makes your teeth turn green.

Comet–it tastes like Listerine.

Comet will make you vomit,

so take some Comet

and vomit


pretty catchy if you know the tune.

Anyway, I just thought of that because I did what I never do and bought Listerine the other day. But here’s why.

When I go to the store and buy a bottle of purple Listerine, I expect it to taste different. Seriously, it’s purple. I had all these expectations of lavender-citrus, or berry-fresh or something to go with the whole purple thing. Imagine my jaded lack of surprise when I swished and found it just like any other color of Listerine. I purposefully do not buy Listerine because of the way that it tastes. I used to like it because I strongly espouse to the whole No Pain, No Gain way of approaching life until my dentist told me that ACT mouthwash is better and when I used ACT my whole world was opened to the possibilities of swishing a pleasant mint flavor instead of a gum-burning experience that leaves me checking to see if anything is swelling inside my mouth. I would probably die if I swallowed Listerine. This is also why I swish and never (never) gargle my mouthwash. Less chance of swallowing it.

Side note: I was at a thriftstore today. I saw a pitcher, and on the price sticker they had written, “As is.” Really? No 90 day parts and labor? No, in-house service? No 30-day return policy with original receipt?