I bought a box of Cap’n Crunch today. Don’t ask me why; it was on sale and I’ve never had it before. I have discovered two things. One, it is impossibly hard to find a picture of the back of this cereal box to show you, and two, Cap’n Crunch and all the kids on the back of the box look completely wigged out on sugar. Which brings me to my question; why would any parent want their child to remotely resemble the sugar-crazed cretins on the back of the box? They don’t just look like a bunch of happy cartoon kids playing on a ship, they look like they’ve got sugar fever, and the only cure…is more sugar, as they maniacally work out on the ship’s obstacle course with lolling tongues and bugged out eyes. Please, that can’t be healthy.