“FREE! 10 Pound Bag of Apples With Every Purchase”

That’s what the sign said. You’re probably thinking I saw it at the grocery store or a feed store or something. Nope, a car dealership. That’s right.

“Hey there sucker! If you buy a car from us, we’ll even throw in seven or eight dollars worth of apples.”

I bet they were red delicious too. I totally love apples, but I draw the line at red delicious. Maybe if I had an organic one straight from a tree I wouldn’t mind it, but in general i don’t classify them in the apple family; I classify them in the “gross” family.

The best part about having two of my siblings staying over for the week is their eating habits. 1: they aren’t picky at all. 2. it doesn’t take a whole lot of effort to get rave reviews at the dinner table.

that sounded really bad. of course there are other wonderful things about them staying over for the week. like all the free babysitting.

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The Auntie and the Uncle

This week we have my little brother and sister staying with us while my parents go on a cruise. If my posts seem disjointed, boring, or non-existent, there’s a reason.

You may have noticed that i’ve added a bunch new links of interesting blogs/websites. disclaimer: i can’t actually recommend them because they may or may not be appropriate, but…they’re funny. If you have a go-to website that’s funny, or really really interesting, tell me. (msn and ivillage do not count).

Today I grated an apple for Violet. She’s a huge apple fan, so it was cute to watch her “go to town”. She did get it all over the carpet, but she was so cute at the same time…

cutiepiecutness

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Yes, please!

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I am completely fascinated by clouds. This picture was taken this afternoon on the freeway from my cellphone. I’ve always thought they looked so amazing and I wish I could sleep in one or walk around in one. Weird, I know. People always joke about heaven just being about sitting on a cloud and playing a harp. I say, “Yes, please!”

For Father’s Day today, we went to applebees for barbecued chicken wings at half-price. Picture this: AJ and I are sitting across from each other in a booth and Violet is on AJ’s side. (we wanted to make sure they knew AJ was a dad, do that we could get the Father’s Day special.) Violet is picking each of the sugar packets out of the little dish, and putting them back in, one by one. Each time she restarts this process, she gets a little messier and more dramatic, and by the time she’s done there are sugar packets all over the table and booth seat. Now the chicken wings arrive. First, we try convincing her that we are actually just eating the celery sticks and when she doesn’t buy it, we give her a chicken bone to chew on. Totally cute. Now my daughter has BBQ sauce on her cute little shirt. Next, the potato skins arrive. I cut one up and scrape the bacon off for her. She’s already bored of the first drumstick, having sucked all the flavor off, so she has a new one. Since she has two now, she insists on trading back and forth between them. There’s really no food on the chicken bones, so when the potato is cool enough, she devours it and potato mixes with the BBQ sauce all over her clothes, face, hands, feet, and the booth and table. greatest memory of the day? Watching my daughter dance to the music playing in Applebees, while double-fisting potato and sucking on chicken bones.

Here’s to AJ; what an awesome Dad!

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Riddle Me This

On the way to my town, there is a large “S” curve just before you get there. On either side is cow pasture. Here’s what I don’t  understand; every (every) time you drive past there, it smells so bad! maybe if you had air-conditioning it wouldn’t be so bad, but ours doesn’t start working until we hit 45 with the windows all down. You know what I mean? Anyway, this has got to stop. It was so bad today that I held my breath the whole way through, and any time I did attempt to breathe, it was accompanied by a strong gag reflex and possibly a swear word. I do not exaggerate when I say that the smell was exactly like a combination of dead animal, dog poop, and farts.

In other news…yeah, I can still smell it.

yeah…

You know those experiences you get every once in a while where you realize you’ve come full circle? The other day I did. I took my thumb, wet it with my tongue, and used it to wipe food off my daughter’s face before we went into the sports club. My mom used to do the same exact thing.

June 18th, 2009. First use of “Mom spit” to clean a face.

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This is why you’re fat

It’s actually the name of a website. We visit it often. Here it is. Before you progress any further into this post, please click on the “here” link so you can get an idea of where I’m coming from.

AJ desperately wants to get something to submit to this website. I told him that if he came up with something I would make it. My mistake. Here, is his idea.

  1. First, you take 2 slices of chocolate chip banana bread
  2. then, you smear one side with marshmallow cream and the other side with Nutella
  3. Then, you sandwich these together with banana slices in the middle.
  4. After which, you dunk the whole thing in yellow cake mix batter.
  5. Next, deep fry the sandwich, taking care to keep it together.
  6. When it cools, dip the whole thing in melted milk chocolate,
  7. and roll it in toasted almonds and coconut.
  8. serve with whip cream and a cherry on top.
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Basil, where have you been all my life?

Yes, I may have always known that basil was amazing. I just didn’t know how amazing.

Tonight: fresh basil leaves all over my burger. Amazing!

Violet is now officially throwing temper tantrums, which means we are now officially spanking. If you think spanking is child abuse, then by “spanking” I mean we are “gently affirming her spirit by speaking words of encouragement whenever she does something right.”

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Say Wha?

Yes, I actually meant to type “wha” instead of “what”. It’s for dramatic effect. That however, is probably not the reason a local home daycare posted the following sign out by the side of a busy street.

“BLOOMING YOUGSTERS”

Try as I might, I can see no dramatic effect achieved by eliminating the “N” in “youngsters”. The best part? Someone obviously spent a lot of time and energy making this sign. Seriously, there was a lot of work put into this sign. Sadly, real life doesn’t have a spell-check button.

As I told my sister earlier, sometimes when you’re an adult and you go into the kitchen to make something for dinner and you have hardly anything to choose from, you end up making some pretty weird stuff. Case in point: tonight’s dinner was “Porcupine Hash”. Yes, I just made that name up. Yes, I know it’s brilliant, and yes, it is already copyrighted.

Here’s what I did. (When you have a $150 food budget for the month and you don’t use food banks or anything else, you get creative).

1 can tomato soup

1/2 jar leftover spaghetti sauce

3 cups cooked brown rice (short grain)

about the same amount of raw hamburger meat

a little water to rinse the leftover pasta sauce into the casserole dish

4 or 5 carrots, diced and peeled (but not in that order)

1 can of white great northern beans

Dump everything except the hamburger meat into a casserole dish and mix together. season to taste with salt, pepper, chipotle seasoning, seasoning salts, etc. add hamburger and mix well. cover with foil and bake at 350 for at least an hour.

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