its all in your perspective…

In case you didn’t know, it’s pretty easy to mistake 19 for 61 when it’s written on your sportsclub locker key tag. it’s also pretty embarrassing when you realize you’ve been trying to break into someones locker the whole time you thought the key was having problems fitting.

Also, and don’t act all delicate and offended on me; it’s important to remember that just because you can normally fart when you’re on a walk and no one smells it, doesn’t mean the same rule applies when you’re on a treadmill…that’s stationary…in a room full of people. There, I said it. Fart.

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Finally!

They finally fixed the sign! (if you clicked on that link, you’d know what I was talking about.) I know it’s not a big deal, but finding typos makes my day.

I just realized that the fourth of july is on saturday. Yes, I have a calendar.

This will probably date me, but the first time I remember noticing what year it was, was 1991.

“Mom, what year is it?”

“Go look at the calendar!”

I remember thinking to myself, “Oh yeah…the calendar!”

Incidentally, 1991 was the same year I played hide-and-seek with my cat and forgot about her in the dryer for three days, the year I learned how to squash tomato horn worms between two rocks, and the year my brother and I chased the mute moscovy ducks till they quacked.

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hmmm

Wowza! I’m tired tired tired.

Not too tired however, to include this awesome quote from Blessong my brother.

“Do you guys have a dictionary for pig latin?”

I love it.

In baby news, Violet now has 4 teeth. She finally got the fourth one in on Thursday, and she’s already teething again. She’s also still not walking, but stands on accident when she forgets to sit. Won’t be long now I’m thinking.

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Dear Dad and Mom,

I’m so glad you’re enjoying your Alaskan cruise this week. Showny and Blessong have been having tons of fun. We’ve really been pulling out all the stops to make sure they have a great time. It’s been a priority to make sure that this week is really relaxing for them. Honestly, it’s been just like a cross between VBS, summer camp, and the spa. Here’s a few pictures of them relaxing by the pool, drinking ice tea in the hammock, and of course…watching tons and tons of TV. They keep saying they can’t wait till you guys get back, but I think they just mean they miss you.

Love you lots,

-me

6-25-06

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“FREE! 10 Pound Bag of Apples With Every Purchase”

That’s what the sign said. You’re probably thinking I saw it at the grocery store or a feed store or something. Nope, a car dealership. That’s right.

“Hey there sucker! If you buy a car from us, we’ll even throw in seven or eight dollars worth of apples.”

I bet they were red delicious too. I totally love apples, but I draw the line at red delicious. Maybe if I had an organic one straight from a tree I wouldn’t mind it, but in general i don’t classify them in the apple family; I classify them in the “gross” family.

The best part about having two of my siblings staying over for the week is their eating habits. 1: they aren’t picky at all. 2. it doesn’t take a whole lot of effort to get rave reviews at the dinner table.

that sounded really bad. of course there are other wonderful things about them staying over for the week. like all the free babysitting.

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The Auntie and the Uncle

This week we have my little brother and sister staying with us while my parents go on a cruise. If my posts seem disjointed, boring, or non-existent, there’s a reason.

You may have noticed that i’ve added a bunch new links of interesting blogs/websites. disclaimer: i can’t actually recommend them because they may or may not be appropriate, but…they’re funny. If you have a go-to website that’s funny, or really really interesting, tell me. (msn and ivillage do not count).

Today I grated an apple for Violet. She’s a huge apple fan, so it was cute to watch her “go to town”. She did get it all over the carpet, but she was so cute at the same time…

cutiepiecutness

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Yes, please!

Image009

I am completely fascinated by clouds. This picture was taken this afternoon on the freeway from my cellphone. I’ve always thought they looked so amazing and I wish I could sleep in one or walk around in one. Weird, I know. People always joke about heaven just being about sitting on a cloud and playing a harp. I say, “Yes, please!”

For Father’s Day today, we went to applebees for barbecued chicken wings at half-price. Picture this: AJ and I are sitting across from each other in a booth and Violet is on AJ’s side. (we wanted to make sure they knew AJ was a dad, do that we could get the Father’s Day special.) Violet is picking each of the sugar packets out of the little dish, and putting them back in, one by one. Each time she restarts this process, she gets a little messier and more dramatic, and by the time she’s done there are sugar packets all over the table and booth seat. Now the chicken wings arrive. First, we try convincing her that we are actually just eating the celery sticks and when she doesn’t buy it, we give her a chicken bone to chew on. Totally cute. Now my daughter has BBQ sauce on her cute little shirt. Next, the potato skins arrive. I cut one up and scrape the bacon off for her. She’s already bored of the first drumstick, having sucked all the flavor off, so she has a new one. Since she has two now, she insists on trading back and forth between them. There’s really no food on the chicken bones, so when the potato is cool enough, she devours it and potato mixes with the BBQ sauce all over her clothes, face, hands, feet, and the booth and table. greatest memory of the day? Watching my daughter dance to the music playing in Applebees, while double-fisting potato and sucking on chicken bones.

Here’s to AJ; what an awesome Dad!

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Riddle Me This

On the way to my town, there is a large “S” curve just before you get there. On either side is cow pasture. Here’s what I don’t  understand; every (every) time you drive past there, it smells so bad! maybe if you had air-conditioning it wouldn’t be so bad, but ours doesn’t start working until we hit 45 with the windows all down. You know what I mean? Anyway, this has got to stop. It was so bad today that I held my breath the whole way through, and any time I did attempt to breathe, it was accompanied by a strong gag reflex and possibly a swear word. I do not exaggerate when I say that the smell was exactly like a combination of dead animal, dog poop, and farts.

In other news…yeah, I can still smell it.

yeah…

You know those experiences you get every once in a while where you realize you’ve come full circle? The other day I did. I took my thumb, wet it with my tongue, and used it to wipe food off my daughter’s face before we went into the sports club. My mom used to do the same exact thing.

June 18th, 2009. First use of “Mom spit” to clean a face.

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This is why you’re fat

It’s actually the name of a website. We visit it often. Here it is. Before you progress any further into this post, please click on the “here” link so you can get an idea of where I’m coming from.

AJ desperately wants to get something to submit to this website. I told him that if he came up with something I would make it. My mistake. Here, is his idea.

  1. First, you take 2 slices of chocolate chip banana bread
  2. then, you smear one side with marshmallow cream and the other side with Nutella
  3. Then, you sandwich these together with banana slices in the middle.
  4. After which, you dunk the whole thing in yellow cake mix batter.
  5. Next, deep fry the sandwich, taking care to keep it together.
  6. When it cools, dip the whole thing in melted milk chocolate,
  7. and roll it in toasted almonds and coconut.
  8. serve with whip cream and a cherry on top.
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Basil, where have you been all my life?

Yes, I may have always known that basil was amazing. I just didn’t know how amazing.

Tonight: fresh basil leaves all over my burger. Amazing!

Violet is now officially throwing temper tantrums, which means we are now officially spanking. If you think spanking is child abuse, then by “spanking” I mean we are “gently affirming her spirit by speaking words of encouragement whenever she does something right.”

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Say Wha?

Yes, I actually meant to type “wha” instead of “what”. It’s for dramatic effect. That however, is probably not the reason a local home daycare posted the following sign out by the side of a busy street.

“BLOOMING YOUGSTERS”

Try as I might, I can see no dramatic effect achieved by eliminating the “N” in “youngsters”. The best part? Someone obviously spent a lot of time and energy making this sign. Seriously, there was a lot of work put into this sign. Sadly, real life doesn’t have a spell-check button.

As I told my sister earlier, sometimes when you’re an adult and you go into the kitchen to make something for dinner and you have hardly anything to choose from, you end up making some pretty weird stuff. Case in point: tonight’s dinner was “Porcupine Hash”. Yes, I just made that name up. Yes, I know it’s brilliant, and yes, it is already copyrighted.

Here’s what I did. (When you have a $150 food budget for the month and you don’t use food banks or anything else, you get creative).

1 can tomato soup

1/2 jar leftover spaghetti sauce

3 cups cooked brown rice (short grain)

about the same amount of raw hamburger meat

a little water to rinse the leftover pasta sauce into the casserole dish

4 or 5 carrots, diced and peeled (but not in that order)

1 can of white great northern beans

Dump everything except the hamburger meat into a casserole dish and mix together. season to taste with salt, pepper, chipotle seasoning, seasoning salts, etc. add hamburger and mix well. cover with foil and bake at 350 for at least an hour.

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quote of the day

“It’s like the perfect kiss: you have a mouth-full of spaghetti, and I have a mouth-full of french bread!”

I didn’t say it was appropriate.

Overheard today at costco:

“…and you know it’s good because Ranch Dressing has been around for a long time!”

Yeah, the ancient pharaohs used it on their…food. The Roman Empire? Caesar sent it in vats to feed his troops. Don’t get me started on the real reason King Henry VIII killed that Boleyn chick. That’s right, she ate her salads with Thousand Island dressing.

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bread and the mystery thereof

This is for Amanda.

The recipe for the pizza crust was pretty basic. I’m almost pretty sure I remember it. I could go downstairs and get the recipe book, but….i’m upstairs, and i’m tired, and a little lazy, so.

Mix in a ceramic or glass bowl. Never metal. don’t ask me why.

1 package yeast

2 cups whole wheat flour

1 cup white flour

1 teaspoon salt

1/2ish cup of sugar (not too sure)

1/4 ish cup of oil. I use olive oil for a nice flavor. wheat flour has a ton of flavor, but if you decide to use all white flour then definitely use olive oil

boil water

pour 1/2 cup milk into a 1 cup measuring cup

top it off with hot water, so that the mixture equals 1 full cup and is very warm (not hot)

mix everything together with care to avoid tearing those delicate strands of gluten that are just going nuts right now.

knead for five minutesish (add more white/wheat flour if the dough is so sticky that you can’t knead it, I prefer white for kneading)

let rise in a warm place for an hour

punch down and form into pizza dough or rolls, or cinnamon rolls, or sticky buns, or a loaf, or cinnamon raisin bread, or something else delicious.

2 Things That May Or May Not Matter To You At All.

1. when using wheat flour as a substitute in a recipe, use approximately 3/4 cup instead of a whole cup. As i did with this recipe, you can vary the percentages of wheat/white flour to suit your taste. Wheat flour is typically heavier and requires a bit more care in bread making, but the flavor is worth it. I like to add a little white flour to make the bread turn out nicer without fully sacrificing the value of whole grain and flavor.

2. for grilled pizza crusts, the dough needs to be incredibly dripping in oil (olive if you have it). take a cookie sheet, put about 2 tablespoons of olive oil on the bottom and begin the process of rolling/hand-stretching it out. you can roll it only so much because the dough just slides around the cookie sheet. be gentle so you don’t tear the dough. grill on a medium hot grill with the oilier side down for a few minutes until it looks golden brown with nice grill marks on the bottom. flip it using tongs and an oven mitt, but first oil the second side so it won’t stick. as soon as it flips, put all your ingredients on.

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Snapshot into my day…

Sitting on the grass at Volunteer park,

eating watermelon.

Violet is charming some of my cousins.

My Dad is eating his birthday cake and telling a story to his brother.

AJ is trying to fend of the watergun attacks of my little brothers.

My Mom and my aunts are deep in conversation.

Angel is talking to my cousin about her new baby.

Trustin is showing off his burn to Obey.

Shown is hovering over Violet.

3 picnic tables

lots of sunshine

lots of food

lots of green grass.

4 very sick squirrels.

(maybe we were feeding them…cake…and frosting. they were very bold and came right up close so that one of my brothers wiped frosting on one who sat licking it off for quite a while.)

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I usually don’t kiss and tell, but…

Violet is learning how to kiss. It’s the cutest thing ever. In the past she just tolerated kissing, but now she is learning to make an “O” with her lips. She doesn’t purse them yet, so it’s a pretty wet kiss, but very cute.

Here’s what I bought at the grocery store today for $10.81

35 pounds of carrots, apples, and watermelon.

Quote of the Day:

“Wouldn’t it be awesome if Chloe went out in the park and a big dog just came up there and ate her?”

My husband, ladies and gentlemen.

(for the record, Chloe is the neighbor’s yappy little dog.)

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Say it ain’t so!

I’m still completely flummoxed in regards to the dead bird foot in my kiddie pool. After laying in bed thinking about it last night, the only logical explanation I can come to is that my neighbor threw it over the fence. If you knew my neighbor, you might come to the same conclusion.

Anyway, today marks my Mother-in-Law’s nursing school graduation. If she were reading this over my shoulder right now, she would probably have me mention that it was her idea before it was AJ’s, and that she actually started first. Real life has a way of intervening on plans, but twenty-some-odd years later, she’s finally an RN. Way to go! (Also, props on a very entertaining graduation ceremony. Best people watching I’ve had in years.)

I love people watching.

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Why? How?

A

Here is a picture of my sweet little baby playing in her kiddie pool.

B

Here is the spider that wandered in overnight. This, I understand. Gross, but I at least understand how it got in there.

C

This is the foot of a bird. This, I do not understand. How on earth did the severed foot of a bird end up in my kiddie pool?

D

I am beyond confused. It’s not like it fell off of one flying overhead! Was there a cat on my back patio that leaned its head over the side of the kiddie pool and dropped it’s bird leg in to steep over night? I am totally grossed out, and the foot is still in the pool. Seriously, How???

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Happy Birthday to the Queen

apparently it’s her birthday in Australia

My mom reminded me that the Old Mother Hubbard nursery rhyme gets worse. Here’s one of the next verses:

She went to the baker’s
To buy him some bread;
But when she came back
The poor dog was dead.

Now that’s just cute.

Quote Of The Day

“They’re just like crunchy little mouse turds, minus the flavor.”

Don’t ask. Okay, it was AJ. He was talking about how he never liked rice growing up until I introduced him to brown rice. Don’t ask me how he knows what mouse turds taste like.

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so, yeah…

you ever notice how nursery rhymes are unsuitable for children? Seriously, here are some examples.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall and no one could put him back together again?

Rock a bye baby, when the bow breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby?

Old mother hubbard went to her cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone, but when she got there the cupboard was bare and so the poor dog had none?

London bridge is falling down?

And my personal favorite; and now I lay me down to sleep…if I should die before I wake…

You wonder why your kid has problems falling asleep at night?

Anyway, It just kind of struck me today.

Come here my sweet little baby, lets read some Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes! Lets see…here’s one about a little boy and girl called Jack and Jill. They were running along and then Jack fell down and broke his crown–wait, he broke his head open? Next! Okay, this story is about a little girl called Little Miss Muffet. One day she was eating breakfast and a spider scared her away. Hmmm, just kidding–lets try another. “Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye; four and twenty blackbirds baked in a–?”

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A rose by any other name…

Ok, so apparently there’s this new trend in the burial biz called Green Burials. Get this–you just put a person in the ground. Just…bury them. I don’t know about you, but this novel idea has the propensity to revolutionize the whole dying business. Those people that sell life insurance for children “…to cover final expenses…” are seriously going to be out of a job.

So here’s where it gets my goat, so to speak. Why you gotta go and call it a Green Burial? Because seriously, that’s the only thing that makes me not want to do it. I mean obviously, I have no problem with protecting the environment but when the whole environmental issue is poster-boy’d by Mr. Al Gore telling me that I need to reduce my carbon footprint, it takes away all his credibility. Of course, there are plenty of other things that take away all that man’s credibility…

Anyway, where do the greenies get the right to name them Green Burials? Because truth be told…its really just a glorified Redneck Burial.

Somewhere, a hairy old man in a wife-beater is sitting on his porch sharing a beer with his mangy dog.

“Green Burial! Hell, that’s how we done buried ol’ Jimmy jist last fall. Tweren’t nuthin’ green about it neither; not when you reckon’ in that six-pack and Granddad’s shotgun we buried with ‘im. “

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Pinata Post

I called it that because this one is a mixed bag of goodies. Here we go.

First off, I forgot to mention yesterday that in the midst of my shameful bowling episode, Violet came to my rescue and peed all over me so that we had to leave. There’s a first for everything I guess. She had had a sippycup  with watered-down juice on the way to the bowling alley and that stuff went through her way faster than I anticipated. I was standing there holding her and the next thing I knew, my stomach was wet and there was a curious dripping on the toe of my rented bowling shoe. No, we didn’t tell them as we returned it. Is that bad?

Secondly, my 4th brother broke his wrist, and the quack Dr. they took him to decided to put him in a cast from the middle of his bicep to his hand. A broken WRIST!On second thought, maybe this Doc knew my family and my brother’s propensity for danger. Hmmm…I take back the “quack” part.  Anyway, as soon as he walked in the door today withhis new cast we were armed to greet him with markers. The first three quotes to grace his arm?

“Given is a sexy beast.”

“GIRL MAGNET!”

“Blessong is cooler.” (Blessong is his younger brother)

sorry Mom and Dad, you have to admit it’s funny.

And now, in today’s relevant news: National Doughnut Day. I hope you ate one. I did. AJ made me do it….AJ and maybe me. I probably shouldn’t have because there are plenty of times that I eat doughnuts when it isn’t  National Doughnut Day, but when you have some of the most amazing doughnuts available to the public five minutes from your house…

Lastly (Is that a word? Will one of you get back to me on that?), this is mostly an explanation for my husband as to why it takes me so long to shower in the women’s locker room at the sports club that we just joined. (Let me tell you, EX-PEN-SIVE!) Here’s a rundown of everything I do in the order that I do it as soon as I enter the room.

  1. Cover my eyes. seriously, the only people that should be modest in a changing room are the only ones that aren’t! I have no beef with naked people…they just gross me out.
  2. Go to my locker and get out my towel and switch out my shoes for flipflips. Did I mention I’m a major germ-a-phobe?
  3. Go to a bathroom stall to undress and wrap myself in said towel. Don’t touch the towel to anything.
  4. Carry all my things back to my locker and put them in my bag. The trick here is to not bend over too far; see above point.
  5. Walk over to the shower stall and shower; being careful not to touch anything.
  6. Next is the precarious process of drying myself without (a) touching anything, or (b) accidentally flashing some old lady who probably can’t see that far anyway.
  7. Rewrap myself in the towel and head back to the locker to extract my clean clothes.
  8. Once back in the bathroom stall, I dress. Only this time with the handicap of slightly damp and tacky skin which makes this whole process much slower. Again with the whole not touching anything.
  9. Almost done. See, you’re getting tired too! I told you it took me a long time to get ready.
  10. Finally, put the wet towel in a plastic bag and into my gym bag,
  11. deodorant,
  12. lotion,
  13. foundation,
  14. curl eyelashes,
  15. mascara,
  16. hair.
  17. Go back to locker and try to fit everything in the gym bag which seems to have mysteriously shrunk, and this is inconvenient because i have more stuff now.
  18. aaaaand….TIME!

See, he thinks I waste all my time on long showers or the sauna. I wish!

Later, Ya’ll

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I’ll admit it…

I’m a foodie blog stalker. There, I said it. I realize you probably have more important things to do with your day than look at luscious photos taken by people just like us who cooked up something crazy good and posted a picture and recipe for us to drool over.

Here is a list of just a smattering of foodie blogs for you to whet your appetite on. Please please please look. I promise you’ll be hungry or inspired, or both.

http://oneordinaryday.wordpress.com/

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/category/all-pw-recipes/ (this blog deserves some time spent looking around as it functions more like a website and not like a single-paged blog, but it’s time well spent in my opinion)

http://smittenkitchen.com/

http://annies-eats.com/

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2008/09/cooking-with-ryan-pasta-carbonara/ (here’s a good example of a foodie blog at it’s best. You could probably be a bad cook and still make it turn out perfectly becuase you get to see the step by step process. Seriously, look at this link–you’ll poop your pants.)

 

And one more link for good measure:

http://1000awesomethings.com/

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I have 5 brothers

Say it with me people, Yikes.

The following is a list of injuries they have incurred in the past few years that I know of/remember. This list of course does not include the things they have blown up/wrecked/sunk/etc.

  • broken main wrist bone
  • blown off top of finger with a roman candle
  • black eyes
  • badly cut one finger and nearly lost another with a saw
  • broken collarbones
  • broken nose (i think)
  • debris in eyes
  • head injuries involving the emergency room
  • stitches for cuts
  • multiple injuries of varying degrees requiring emergency care from multiple motorcycle accidents.
  • some minor injuries from car accidents.
  • slamming a head into a dumpster via a longboard and no helmet.
  • (this doesn’t really count, but:) shot someone in the leg.
  • broken foot.
  • multiple fight wounds from multiple fights.
  • burns
  • back problems after  getting sat on by a fat man in a fight.

here’s the worst part: the vast majority of those accidents involved the two oldest boys. Translation: my parents are going to need a frequent flyer discount at the emergency room–it’s only just begun.

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BFF’s

AJ was telling me I was his best friend last night, and I just had to laugh. That phrase has always held such awkward, funny, tentatively embarrassing connotations for me. Not that I don’t embrace it as a married adult, but “best friends” brings to mind the spit-handshakes and solemnity of a childhood pact.

“Can we be best friends?”

“No, sorry, I’m best friends with Rachel…but we can be second-best friends though!”

As I child, I remember what a big deal the whole best friends thing was. Usually one of the first questions you asked a new friend was who their best friend was. I also remember that it was pretty important to know where you stood with your friends. Did you have one best friend and several second-best friends? The hierarchy of childhood friendships is laughable as an adult, but it’s a big deal when you’re a child.

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