Soapbox Moment

You know those little Valentines conversation hearts? How did they ever get to be so lame? Case in point: “U R Mine”, “You Rule”, or “Email Me.” I even saw some like “Forget It” or “No Way!”

Dear Maker of Valentines Day Conversation Hearts,

Why are you so afraid of becoming irrelevant, that you insist on using “trendy” phrases that are no longer in circulation? Seriously, no one says “You Rock” anymore. They just don’t, and even if they do, its kind of tongue-in-cheek. Okay, so maybe they say it occasionally, but that gives you no excuse to try writing it on a candy heart just because it fits.

 

oi. Yes, I know Valentines Day is like 2 weeks ago, but thats just about the time I buy holiday candy.

Interesting Fact: If you come to my house and you eat an Oreo for dessert and then drop some on the floor–the baby will find it. And she will thoroughly eat every last crumb she can find. Whats the point of vacuuming?

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You’re Just Jealous

For some people it’s a boring book…for others its the routine. Still others rely on a cup of hot tea, or those last few minutes of pillow talk. For Violet, it’s butt rubs. Yes, as in a massage on the buttocks. Every night, after a moment or two of obligatory fussing to let us know she doesn’t approve of bedtime, Violet rolls on her tummy and falls asleep with a nice butt rub. She’ll take backrubs too, but not without a butt rub as part of the pachage.

(Editors note: Please do not confuse this story with the story on the next page of the little girl who went to bed and stayed asleep every night. That would be a gross misrepresentation of the facts.)

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Poor Pitiful Me

So I went to the dentist again today. Halfway through the procedure, I was thinking about how pathetic I felt and how pitiful I must look. Poor me, right? I was just thinking that I hoped the dentist thought I looked pitiful too, but if he did, he wasn’t showing any sign of it. And then I thought, “Wait, why would he feel sorry for me? This is all my own fault!” So I sat in the chair feeling extra sorry for myself to make up for the dentist’s lack of concern.

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I probably should have stopped her…

but she was having so much fun!

Today Violet ate a piece of tulle–otherwise known as the kind of fabric used in wedding veils. It was a smallish piece that she stuffed in her mouth before I could catch her, and she had quite a time swallowing it but I was pretty sure she couldn’t choke on it and there was nothing I could do once she had it down her throat anyway, so I just sat there and watched my seven-month old daughter make the faces a cat does when it’s hacking up a hairball. Fun!

Today: we stayed inside all day (not fun) waiting for the UPS that never showed up. she took a nap in her crib after getting up with me at 5am. I assembled three wedding veils for my sister-in-law’s wedding. we played “Pat-a-Cake”. when AJ got home from work, we had brown rice stirfry with carrots, celery, onions and scrambled egg. next, Violet is taking a bath–and she’ll know it as soon as I take all her clothes off in the bathroom. She gets SO (so) excited. After that, she goes to her own bed (please) and AJ and I will read Perelandra by the venerable Lewis.

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I think the tooth fairy skipped our house…

Violet still has no teeth. nada.

New Rule (for everyone): Just Because the Carpool Lane is Not the Other Other Fast Lane, Doesn’t Mean it’s the Other Other Slow Lane.  I’m just saying.

You ever think up new things and wish you could make your ideas a reality? Like flying cars, for instance. Mine? Fart Bells. Thats right, Fart Bells. I have this theory that if everyone knew how much everyone around them in public farted, people might fart less in public. or something like that. Here’s how it would work: A bell over the intercom or on the wall that goes off anytime anyone in the room farts. People could maintain their anonymity, but we’d all know that someone had just farted. seriously, if you’d been at my family’s house tonight–that bell would have been ringing off the hook!

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Gross personal habits

not that I have any, but as I was sitting here playing with my “abc” gum waiting to use the computer, I realized that I probably do–I’m just not aware of them. Seriously though, I just realized that every time (almost) I chew gum, I take it out of my mouth to throw it away, but before I can, I play with it. Stretch it out…make funny string shapes…is that gross?

yeah…speaking  of gross. Today I was listening to talk radio, and the host was completely flabbergasted by a new product he’d just heard about. I can’t remember the name, but it was some sort of product that allows women to use the restroom while standing up. wait: i just found it here. Part of me says, “Sick!” and the other part of me remembers how many times I’ve had to use a public restroom and wished dearly that I didn’t have to sit down. Anyway, the best part about this product, is their slogan.

“Don’t Take Life Sitting Down!”

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Sunday is a fun day for playing in the sun day

except that it rained as soon as we got out of church.

anyway. After church was over, AJ and I were planning on going out to lunch and wanted to see if any of my siblings wanted to come too. Funny thing–since my parents weren’t there and they would be paying for themselves, they weren’t interested.

side note: Coloray looks right at home in the drivers seat of a minivan, with a pretty girl next to him and a bunch of smelly kids in the back. hmmm…

Fun Fact: Violet stood on her tippy-toes to reach the cards we were playing with today.

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Today was the first sunny saturday in way too long…

because there’s a reason Washington stays so green.

Five interesting things about today.

1. Violet hollered with a hot temper when strapped in the car-seat. thats right, she hollered.

2. I watched the cat sit patiently in front of her while she shook with excitement and patted him on the head.

3. AJ bought more vw bug stuff. yes, more.

4. I learned a great secret about something i can’t say.

5. someone that i can’t name, did something that i can’t tell you, for someone that you don’t know.

keeping secrets is my cross to bear, my everest. I love them, but oh they eat away at my very spirit.

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Snapshot into my day

Time: 1:30pm

Place: My kitchen

Me: in the middle of making pie crust for my blackberry pie and my peach banana pie. still wearing pj’s.

The counter-tops: covered in mess from pie crust, and melting bags of last summer’s fruit.

Violet: sitting at my feet waiting patiently between spoon-fulls of melting blackberry bits as a bribery so I can bake.

 

Side note: this happened right before she discovered that the walls in the kitchen could open to vast chambers containing an amazing new toy apparently called “Tupperware”.

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One if by land, two if by sea…

This fall when the leaves change–that’s where I’ll be. D.C, Philly, and Boston.

We are budget travellers, but we know how to treat ourselves right, so right now we are in the planning stage where we network, pit airlines and hotels against each other, and look up fun places to see. When we went to Europe, we followed the advice and tips of Rick Steves , so we are looking around to see who/what can give us tips for the east coast. We will look into couchsurfing again, as long as we can find some non-creepy people to stay with, as well as AOR/KOA look-alike possibilities.

One thing is for sure: We plan on finding and eating the finest Boston Cream pie in Boston, comparing the two best Philly Cheesesteaks in Philadelphia, and whatever food is significant in originating from D.C. Any ideas?

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Here’s my two cents…

recipes are for people who need boundaries. I decided this today when i was making up some squash spice muffins and hoping they would turn out. (they did).

other two cents: it might actually be profitable to look into being involved in a Nigerian phishing scam. apparently some Nigerians just made a lot of money off my parents in this manner–although to be fair, my siblings and I have done even better just asking up front for the money.

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Fine Dining

Tonight we went here for dinner. We normally don’t spend this much for dinner, and so in order to fully enjoy our dining experience, we may possibly have introduced a ton of new foods to Violet to keep her happy.

This is a baby who has only previously eaten a couple fruits, some veggies, rice, and oats.

Bread

Couscous

Kiwi

Mango

Green Beans

Strawberry.

Yes, that might make me a terrible parent.

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just in case you sell mattresses for a living…

don’t stalk me when I’m trying out a bed.

seriously, don’t.

I assume for your sake that you went through that mattress training that you all do before they allow you out on the sales floor, so I’ll let it slide this once.  You know which one…you know, the one where they tell you to follow the customer around and stand, shifting your weight from side to side on a cheap pair of loafers while you try your best to make the situation less awkward by making small talk about how great the warranty is.

Which sends me off on a tangent. The warranty? Seriously? You mean the piece of paperwork stating that if there is a resting dip in the center of the mattress more than an inch or two, you’ll replace it? Do you have any idea how terrible a mattress would have to get to have a dip that low? I’m just saying…

But I digress. Go ahead and pencil this in the margin of your training manual: Do not stand next to a bed while the customer (who is a total stranger to you and has little interest in your small talk) tries out a bed.

Also, don’t talk about how the economy is hurting your sales in an attempt at a sympathy sale.

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All the world her stage…

So today Violet discovered that when she makes noises in the bathroom, they are amplified by the acoustics in the room. Yes, that means bath time is now going to be a very loud affair.

I found this the other day, and am posting it so I can find it again. Its my new favorite website

Anyway, here’s the one-million dollar question of the day:

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My Funny Valentines

are both in the bathroom right now.

One is in the tub covered by bits of broccoli, and the other is endeavoring to catch her and clean the broccoli out of her ears.

Interesting point for the whole Nature versus Nurture debate. Babies are born not liking vegetables. Trust me on this one. I’m not saying the battle is over–she will eat vegetables and she will like it.

I like Valentines Day. I’ve never not liked it, although in retrospect that may be due in part to the fact that I really like chocolate. When I was a child, we would always get a little box of conversation hearts to exchange with each other and sometimes my dad would come home with some chocolate for everyone to share.  We didn’t have a lot of candy growing up (read: very little) and that might be partly to blame for the fact that I really don’t remember much else about Valentines Day as a child except for the prospect of candy.

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My child might grow up to be a bully

Yes, its true.

Here’s how it started.  Violet doesn’t have a whole lot of contact with babies in general. A couple of weeks ago though, a friend of mine broke her back so we’ve been spending a day a week with her to help her with her one-year old son. He’s big for his age–and all boy, and Violet is small for her age, and definitely all girl. He’s very nice to her, but its taken her several times to get comfortable around this gentle giant that takes her toys and sits on her. That being said, we had some friends over tonight with a baby girl Violet’s age. Isla is a little bigger than Violet, but Violet is more mobile, and no sooner were the two of them on the ground together then she was crawling all over poor Isla. I looked over and Violet was literally on top of Isla. She looked pretty happy.

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I’m actually not this stupid…

If you’ve been to Costco, you’ll understand this story. So today I was at Costco buying laundry detergent. When I got to the the self’-checkout line and the product wouldn’t scan for the coupon price, I realized that someone had put a jug of household cleaner in with all the detergent jugs. Identical…except for the words on the label of course. When the closest employee realized my mistake, she yelled back at the manager so she could get an override to delete the item–in front of a line of waiting shoppers.

“Yeah, I guess she thought it was detergent.”

“No, it says it’s cleaner right on the front, but she got confused or something.”

“What? No, she wanted detergent and she thought that this was detergent.”

“No, she doesn’t want it, she wants detergent instead.”

“…because she got confused, and now she wants to exchange it for detergent!”

 

Thanks Costco employee. Is there a spot where I can not nominate you for employee of the month? Or employee of the anything……

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Word of the Day

Globbering: v.

1. To accumulate excessive amounts of drool and slobber on to the shoulder of ones parent.

2. The act of connecting a string of spit from point A to point B through exorbitant quantities of globbules.

 Globb, Globbered v. Globbule n., Globbery adj.

anyways….

what an ostentatious way to mark my one-month blogging anniversary!

(other important findings of the day: Violet can touch any part of her body with her feet…except maybe parts of her back)

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Baby Rule

I’m certain of this: just because that spot of gunk stuck to the carpet won’t come up with the vacuum cleaner, doesn’t mean it stands a chance with the determined, tenacious picking of a patient baby. Eww.

Murphy’s Law: Just because a baby is sick and cranky and tired, doesn’t mean she will want to sleep at all. At all.

Things I Wish I’d Known Before: She’s better at this…yes, I’m being outsmarted by a baby.

 

Quote of the day: “Hmm! I have a white chest hair that I can see!” Thank you, AJ.

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Deep Thoughts

Tonight AJ and I were watching Scrubs. They were talking about death and how in the end…all you can really hope for is that your last thought is a good one.

What? How is “I wish for world hunger to end,” better than “Crap! I forgot to put my gas cap back on!

I can’t imagine life without any hope of heaven. If all we really boil down to is our own thoughts and our own self…that’s sad. It’s not that I refuse to believe this possibility, and protect my psyche with a hope for Heaven; I just happen to know there’s much more to life than this/here/now. Not hope…know.

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Pet Peeve #1086

Why do people think its clever to combine two words to make one really cheesy word. Case in point: “Spajama Party”. Spajama? Seriously? I was just reading at a hotel’s website where they advertised a “Spajama Party.” I’d go on here but I really don’t want to stoop to their level. Spajama…really?

In other news: I have a seven month old baby who has no teeth but is pulling herself into a standing position.

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Random

Will someone please tell me what the big deal is with Bugles? (the chip things you can put on the ends of your fingers). I bought some today, and I am seriously not impressed.

Also, rolling chocolate chip cookies in coconut before baking is amazing.

Last but not least:  When we were at that Fiction Family concert last night, one of the songs was called something like “Please Don’t Call This Love”. At this announcement, someone from the audience shouted out “That’s what she said!” Thank you, Michael Scott.

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the stuff of science fiction

Last night I stood on the balcony of a crowded room. All the people below me were seated in rows of folding chairs, and the room rumbled with dim conversations in the flickering light of the disco ball. It was the strangest thing; most people were peering in the half-light at a small glowing screen in their hands. Some of the screens were different shades of yellow and green, and some were different sizes–but all their users seemed completely absorbed with the content on that screen . Those who were talking to one another were referring to something on their screen. Sometimes cell phones creep me out.

side note. Smells are a big deal to me. The crowd last night smelled just the way a crowd should smell–not so much evocativeof a bunch of people crammed together in a room but of anticipation and excitement and great memories in the making.

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Ugly Food

I realized today how many of my own recipes make ugly, gross looking food that tastes amazing.  Case in point: for lunch I made Avocado Tuna Salad. Freaking amazing, but it resembles a grey-green chunky slime.

1/2 avocado mashed

1/2 tomato diced

1 can tuna drained

handful chopped cilantro

2 T lime juice

Salt and Pepper to taste

dash balsamic vinegar

2ish T. Mayo (NOT miracle whip)

Eat with corn chips.

Here’s why i don’t have a problem with eating ugly food. 1: its fun. 2. when you bring it to potlucks you get to bring it all home. Is that wrong?

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Violet has crawling issues

She gets on all fours before proceeding to straighten her legs out till she’s flat-footed on the floor with her butt in the air. She wobbles for a second or two and finishes in a grand face plant. I laugh every time–is that bad? She doesn’t do this every time, but mostly it seems she’s trying to remember how she did it the last time.

The other not highlight of the day was watching the “Stealers” win the Super Bowl…again. What? How much are they paying those ref’s under the table? That’s all I have to say about that.

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