the short version of me

• when i’m in the car, i imagine the tires work like long legs…stepping over shadows and cracks in the road.
• i actually don’t like sharing…mostly food and clothes.
• when i look at clouds i wonder what they look like from the top.
• i secretly judge people who are “better” than me.
• when i stick my head out the window while driving i can hear
• classical music in the wind–every time.
• i talk to myself.
• sometimes i wake up suddenly and lie still in the dark till i’m sure i
• can hear everyone breathe.
• my fingertips crack and peel when i play music alot.
• i dont think i smell bad.
• i used to be afraid of taking showers…and when the bathwater was draining.
• i’m the kind of person that wishes she cared more.
• i like to find typos in magazines
• i like to imagine i have super powers–mostly “the force”.
• i get irritated when people dont complement my cooking.
• i keep people’s secrets.
• i ignore my sixth sense–i prefer surprises.
• i never hang my feet off the bed when i sleep–in case there’s something under the bed.
• i usually continue arguments with people in my head. sometimes i even start them there.
• i like my feet.
• i’m picky about water.
• “brainstorming” is not a good way to describe a type of thinking.
• i sometimes wish i could meet a famous celebrity–just so i could pretend i didn’t know them.
• in my head i rearrange simple phrases so they are in pig latin–of which i speak multiple dialects.
• i am fiercely independent and patriotic at the same time.
• sometimes i try to read people’s minds.
• i dont like being watched.
• i prefer speaking in front of large groups to small ones.
• i used to want to be a ballerina…until i was 7.
• i’m awkward.
• if i dont have my head screwed on straight–Christmas and my birthday are usually very disappointing.
• i worry about death too much–not mine, just everyone else’s.
• my heart beats faster when i think about running.
• i’m jolly when i’m “buzzed”.
• i dont like touching people–except my own little family.
• i dont like germs
• i cough when i walk past someone smoking.
• i purposefully bump into people in crowded public places.
• i find myself making excuses when i meet someone i know in a liquor store.
• when i see someone i know but dont want to talk to, i pretend to be looking at something just past them.
• sometimes i wonder if dead people can see us.
• i drink coffee mostly to look cool and only if it’s sweet.
• i flex in front of the mirror.
• i dont have a favorite color.
• i can smell rain before it comes.
• i base all my weather predictions on the color of the sky. “red sky at night, sailors delight…”
• i secretly hope my favorite bands will ask me to go on tour with them.
• i can’t stand it when people cut in lines.
• i’m paranoid of falling asleep at a friend’s house and farting in front of everyone.
• i really do think i could accomplish anything i put my mind to.
• i wish i was the best at everything.
• when i lose, i pretend not to care.
• i dont have a green thumb.
• i google people i know.
• i like dressing up.
• i like driving fast.
• i watch the blinker of the car in front of me to see when our blinkers get synced up.
• i can’t stand slimy bars of hand soap.
• i dont like fighting–i like winning fights–but i don’t like fighting more.
• i’m funny. very funny.
• my nose ring made me feel like a badass…until it fell out while i was sleeping.
• somehow, gifts wrapped nicely makes them seem like nicer gifts.
• i dont like cards where people just sign their names at the bottom,
• driving in the snow makes me feel “hardcore”.
• i still whisper at libraries–because thats how my mom taught me.
• i’ve been blogging for two years.
• i’ve never been able to read a book just to say i read it.
• i have fewer regrets than most people i know.
• i like the smell of the forest.
• i think houses should only smell two ways: from being freshly
• cleaned with the faint scents of soap and lemon, or from food hot out of the oven.
• i have five ways to eat an orange: peel and eat the sections, peel and
• eat the whole orange like an apple, slice into sections, slice into narrow rounds, roll till soft and then suck the juice out with a straw.
• i dont like cleaning bathrooms.
• i like being alone.
• i sing in the shower…and the bath.
• i try to walk backwards in my previous footprints to confuse anyone who might be following me.
• i get pet peeves from other people like cold germs.
• i unconsciously imitate other’s unique mannerisms or accents.
• i like to call people and see how low i can get them to drop the price on that car they’re selling–just for fun. i feel it helps them prepare so they can do better with a real buyer.
• if everyone else is into it–its not cool anymore (dave ramsey)
• i like pickup trucks and loud country music and scruffy jeans, but only in that combination.
• i park crooked, and then i pretend it was on purpose.
• i still think talking on a cell phone makes you look cool.
• i have to remind myself thats its okay to not always be right.
• i’m lazy and selfish and irritable.
• i’m always afraid people won’t understand i was just joking.
• i still get up with my husband and pack his lunch every day.
• marriage isn’t as hard as ya’ll said it was going to be.
• i never tell people when i have big plans or goals–better to let them find out when i’m done.
• when i was 14 i made a list of all the things i wanted to do before i died. i wish i’d kept it because i’ve done so many of those things.
• i used to write threats on the outside of my diary so my siblings wouldn’t read it–like that worked.
• sometimes when i was growing up i wished i was an only child–not that i didn’t like my siblings, i just wished they were like my cousins or something.
• i prefer small houses.
• i’m not a packrat–i dont hang on to something unless i’m actively using it–usually.
• sometimes the best way to describe my feelings is with two words that directly contradict themselves.
• if you have to rent a storage unit for your stuff–you have too much stuff.
• it never made sense to me to put cars in garages, when i can think of so many better uses of that space.
• its a matter of personal pride to drive a cheap old car.
• you can talk bad about me but you cant talk bad about my family.
• i wonder what it would feel like to get punched in the face.
• i tried growing my fingernails out once but when i stopped being able to clean out my ears with a washcloth in the shower i gave up.
• i like animals more than most people.
• i have read a ton of books.
• i want to adopt.
• homeschooling makes sense to me.
• i think of people’s houses and how i would change them if it were my house.
• i like my freckles.
• i like seafood..except when you bite into crunchy bits of sand–like in oysters.
• i never prep enough when i paint a room and end up scrambling about madly to clean up paint.
• i like starting with a clean kitchen. starting what? anything–a trip, cookies, laundry, bedtime, etc.
• i have this idea of the kind of person i’m supposed to be.
• i take too many pictures of things i wont care to look at again.
• i can never just suck on hard candy–eventually i will have to see how it crunches.